Are you a violent drug dealing thug? Feel like you’re going nowhere in life? Come to Montana and play football. Free handgun and 8-ball for the first 100 applicants [USAToday].

As pure criminals, Montana might actually be worse (or better depending on your perspective) than Florida, if that is possible. The biggest discriminators? The Montana kids appear to be better shots than the Florida kids. One Montana player actually killed someone. Around Gainesville, everyone is holding their breath because who know what the hell Gators are going to do next. Hell, they may have killed someone already and the Bull Gator Alumni has covered it up. As a sidenote, the Gators seem to only mess around with weed and not coke.

Odd timing for the USA Today article. Why now? Do the Bull Gators control the national media ?