Loser with Socks

Mountain Damn Values from New Mexico

Review of “Bama Profiles in Courage: Laykin”: (Capers) Barr flexes through an emotional range that most writers would never dare attempt … Humor and Bama sorrow are fused together like twined tree trunks that keep each other standing…..It’s part satire, part character study, with a wry lens on fame, fandom, and the modern South. Well done, Capers, well done.”– Ian Allen, The Times Literary Supplement.

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The Absurd RoJo Press Conference to Start an Absurd Day

Today is National Signing Day, the day that adult males, jock sniffers and jock sniffer-sniffers, meet in hotel rooms/War Rooms/Tactical Operations Centers, cruise Myspace/Facebook, discuss/analyze teenage boys physiques and breakout their Perfect Storm Toolkits, the National Signing Day Toolkit Version of course. A quick review of the minimum essential items: Black Socks Wife Beater Tee…

Capers Barr
1–2 minutes

Today is National Signing Day, the day that adult males, jock sniffers and jock sniffer-sniffers, meet in hotel rooms/War Rooms/Tactical Operations Centers, cruise Myspace/Facebook, discuss/analyze teenage boys physiques and breakout their Perfect Storm Toolkits, the National Signing Day Toolkit Version of course. A quick review of the minimum essential items:

  • Black Socks
  • Wife Beater Tee Shirt
  • Boxer Underwear
  • Rivals Recruiting Magazine (for visual stimulation)
  • MySpace Log-in Information
  • Industrial Grade Lubrication
  • Penis Floss
  • Kleenex with Aloe
  • Cock Ring
  • Wi-Fi Connection

One new item added to the both the Gameday and National Signing Day toolkits is the adult diaper. Inspired by former Sharting Florida QB and future CFL backup Chris Leak and love triangle female astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak who was arrested Florida (imagine that, Florida), the adult diaper makes perfect sense, one does not have to miss one minute of the “action” by wasting time to drop a deuce or take a squirt in cold dark room by yourself. You can make bathroom noises in public with your sick buddies and mean it.

14 responses to “The Absurd RoJo Press Conference to Start an Absurd Day”

  1. Rojo's Granny Avatar
    Rojo’s Granny

    An education without salvation is damnation, bitches.

  2. Mike White Avatar
    Mike White

    UNC just signed a (****) Tight End from Springdale, Arkansas (a certain SEC QB’s hometown). With Mitch Mustain’s mental instability, he might transfer to Chapel Hill for just that reason.

    Oh how I wish that would happen. 3 QBs will be vying for the starting spot at UNC in 2007, and they are going to throw 4 TDs and 10 INTs each. No joke.

  3. Chris Leak's Soiled Diapers Avatar
    Chris Leak’s Soiled Diapers

    The Cock Ring is a new addition

  4. extrapolater Avatar
    extrapolater

    I’m from Lawrence, Kansas, where national football signing day is as big a holiday as, say…. Arbor Day.

  5. loserwithsocks Avatar
    loserwithsocks

    we are flipping to Florida. No other teams have a chance against the Herban Meyer and his pro-marijuana program

  6. chris leak's 4.5 forty hookslide Avatar
    chris leak’s 4.5 forty hookslide

    Guns, Mota, Nutria and Gators. C’mon aboard the CFL Grey Cup Choo-Choo Train

  7. Text Me Urban Avatar
    Text Me Urban

    1,2, I am coming for you

  8. Coco the Gorilla Avatar
    Coco the Gorilla

    I like penis floss

  9. Juan Garcia-Abrego Avatar
    Juan Garcia-Abrego

    I hope that the US beats Mexico in soccer

  10. Mike White Avatar
    Mike White

    UNC just took a prospect away from Tennessee-Marvin Austin, the top defensive lineman in the country. With our recruiting class and a new coach, the Heels can win a whopping 6 games!

  11. extrapolater Avatar
    extrapolater

    For a minute there, I thought Tennessee-Marvin Austin was another one of those tiny “system schools”. I was all set to grab my road atlas and figure out when they were scheduled to play Notre Dame.

  12. S Avatar
    S

    ESPSuck radio is full of west-coast homers. and penis floss

  13. Cool Hand Mike Avatar
    Cool Hand Mike

    I’m patriotic so I call it a Freedom Tickler instead of French.

  14. Juan Garcia-Abrego Avatar
    Juan Garcia-Abrego

    I was thinking Tennessee-Martin

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