Over the course of 77 text messages pieced together, deciphered and released to the media late Tuesday night, embattled Boss Hawg Huey Nutt went into CYA mode, rambling on and on about how he really, really is playing above board, not just on the football field, but also, in life.
In an expansive statement which ran somewhere in length between War and Peace and The Fountainhead, Nutt took the opportunity to address pretty much everything on his mind, falling just short of offering his thoughts on global warming, U.S. trade deficits and the new Baskin-Robbins logo.
Oh, I get it-there’s a “31” in there…Lame.
Because reading and deciphering this rambling epistle is right up there on the futility scale with watching the Hawgs actually getting a qb in rhythm for more than two downs, here are some excerpts:
“Rcntly, smak on my prvat life is all ovr net n tv. Heres wassup:
Spek n rumors dat I hv had an inappropriate rel8nship w anchorbabe D-Bragg is bs. Didn’t hit dat. Just peeps. Any smak byond dat aint right n purposefully vindictive. 1k txt msgs dnt mean shit.”
In case you’re wondering, Nutt texted the phrase “purposefully vindictive” for the first-and perhaps last time in the short history of text messaging. Ergo, no shorthand or slang exists for said verbage. And probably never will.
Skimming onward to the juicy parts…
“Mprtnt dat all Rzrbk fans know I didnt sk othr n rmayn dply kmted 2 Arky.”
To everyone associated with the UofA program whose name doesn’t rhyme with “Frank Broyles,” our condolences.
“Once again 4 the record, I had no prior knowledge of TPrewetz btchazz email 2 Mustain. Gt up n her grill 4 it. Much luv 4 Mitch n gd lk.”
Whenever a cheesy photo like this accompanies a press release, the password is “Ruh-Roh!”
And finally, of course, there’s the big admission/non-admission that something’s really up: the shout out to the wifey and family units, coupled with his eternal love and support for all things suey…
“I also wnt 2 xprs luv n big upz 2 my wife, big D n 2 my kdz 4 their support n ncuragmnt. Hawgs rprznt!”
Not being there ourselves, we can only assume at this point that Nutt dropped his cell phone as if it were too hot to handle, popped the collar on his coaches’ polo and moved on with his badazz self.
If you wanna read his tripe in its entirety, click here.
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