Gus Malzahn is a semi-successful SEC Offensive Coordinator. And by Coordinator, I mean he shakes a lot of hands and does a lot of standing around holding a clipboard. So much so in fact, that his players call him “The Puppet”. I didn’t know what that meant exactly until after the interview. I couldn’t resist sitting down with Gus, an Author, a Videographer, a master strategist and tactician to pick his brain. Two questions into the interview, I was already regretting my decision.
El brujo:
You’ve made a quite name for yourself in the High School Football world. What has made you so successful?
Gus: I make it a point to be a knowledgeable observer of a dynamic sport and I try to stay focused in this competitive landscape.
El brujo:
Not sure what that means, but ok. What do you think is the most important thing for a high school coach to make the transition to such a key and pivotal position in the uber-competetive SEC Conference?
Gus:
A dynamic coach must be able to harness their human capital to nurture a high performance winning culture. Without reactive synergy, they’re dead in the water. At Arkansas, most of all, an offensive coordinator is better seen and not heard. Coach Nutt has asked me to keep my mouth shut and really just stay the hell outta of the way. He is afraid that I am going to hurt myself or worse, hurt a player.
El brujo:
Of course he has. Watching you on the sidelines, one can see that you just might be in over your head. In your opinion Gus, what makes a good leader?
Gus:
I think that I am a good leader. I can see the 360 degree view at all times and always find the critical path to outpace the quagmire of sea of change. Do you think it shows that I am clueless during the game? I virtually have no input into the game preparations and Coach Nutt acts like he doesn’t hear or see me.
El brujo:
I don’t think you answered my question. Maybe you did. Whatever it really doesn’t matter. Tell me how do you approach recruiting and coaching?
Gus:
Easy. I just leverage Arkansas’s core competencies to productize our talents. The Mustain Recruitment was my best and only effort thus far. But, how could I screw that one up, the kid was my quarterback after all? Coach Nutt really felt not even I could not screw the pooch on that. Sure Mitch got a bit antsy because the Tebow kid was getting all of the publicity, and really it came down to my personal relationship with Mitch that kept him home. I will say that I was nervous; Coach Nutt threatened to fire me when Mustain started looking around but his trust in my ability left me feeling all warm and glowing on the inside, you know like the Purina High Pro Glow?
El brujo:
Productize isn’t a real word.
Gus:
It is now. But we can circle back to that later. It’ll be a win-win action item for both of us. As an example, Houston Nutt needed my quarterback, Mustain. So, he hires me as his coordinator and I give him Mustain. Win-Win. Sure, I don’t do much, but I move around, carry this play chart (looking over his “chart” I realized that it contained his Ipod music playlists) and flash gang signs at the players and nobody is the wiser that I have no idea of what I am doing.
(Notice the first song on his playlist?)
El brujo:
I would remind you that I am running this interview – GUS. Now, how has technology changed the way that you coach?
Gus:
Technology is a shifting paradigm. Without scalable, cross-functional deliverables, most schools find themselves in the hot seat. Technology is mission critical. Just look at my highly successful Offensive Philosophy: Hurry Up No Huddle Beta and VHS Videos; I think I sold over 150 tapes the last 5 years. (Based on Gus’s uncertain employment “situation”, We linked his books and video from Amazon.com)
El brujo:
Does that mean you think it’s important?
Gus:
Soup to nuts psychographic peer review. Did you get it? The Soup to Nuts? Houston’s Nutts?
El brujo:
Fuck yeah, I got it you fucking simpleton. It was a yes or no question. Here is one you can answer: Is it normal to find your cousin attractive?
Gus:
That’s an out of the box proposition that will generate buzz and find the right influencers for my coaching services after Mustain graduates. I am afraid that after Mitch leaves Arkansas, Coach Nutt is going shit-can my ass. And the cousin thing? If she’s hot? Absolutely.
El brujo:
Now you’re just saying words.
Gus:
Core operating initiatives are right sizing executive planning alternatives.
El brujo:
Godammit! Just answer one fucking question with a real answer! You can’t, can you?!! YES or NO. Just try it.
Gus:
Thank you for onboarding me to dialogue with you. It was an impactful bio-break.
El brujo:
GRRRR. Goodbye.
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