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CHICAGO

In a come-from-behind run reminiscent of Secretariat in the Preakness, Cubs pitcher Mark Prior rallied out of nowhere to beat teammate Kerry Wood to the DL by three starts, according to some estimates. Prior is slated to get his shoulder scoped by noted orthopedic surgeon and occasional career-saver James Andrews in Birmingham.

Upon hearing the news, Cubs manager Lou Pinella reportedly kicked a cooler full of PowerAde all the way over the Budweiser sign across the street in left field and invented three brand new cuss words to unleash on umpires and reporters alike.

This ball only has twelve more stitches than Wood and Prior combined.