Saturday is one of the most anticipated days of the year for football fans. That’s right…it’s the NFL Draft. And we here at LWS decided to celebrate the 14 hour Chris Berman-palooza by putting together our predictions for the top 10 picks.

Why just the top 10? Because I’m fucking lazy, that’s why.

And now onto the picks.

1. Oakland Raiders
Pick- Jamarcus Russell

Physical Specimen, mental midget

Pros- Size and mobility; Must apply for a weapons permit for his arm.
Cons- Crompton-esque decision making ability…about as smart as a tack hammer.
Alternate Picks- Calvin Johnson, Brady Quinn, Jon Crompton

2. Detroit Lions
Pick- Calvin Johnson
Pros- Absolute freak…Big, fast, and excellent hands; Plays the position the Lions love to draft the most.
Cons- One of three players to admit to experimenting with weed…one of three players that aren’t liars.
Alternate Picks- Brady Quinn, Gaines Adams, Jon Crompton

3. Cleveland Browns
Pick- Brady Quinn
Pros- Prototypical QB size, accustom to a NFL type offense
Cons- Accuracy equivalent to a blind guy; Racked up numbers against shitty defenses, struggled when he actually played against speed.
Alternate Picks- Adrian Peterson, Jon Crompton

4. Tampa Bay Bucs

Goddammit!! I wanted Calvin Johnson!!

Pick- Gaines Adams
Pros- Best pass rusher in the draft
Cons- Sucks against the run; Not Calvin Johnson
Alternate Picks- Joe Thomas, Adrian Peterson, Jon Crompton

5. Arizona Cardinals
Pick- Joe Thomas
Pros- Fills a huge hole (giggity) in the Cardinals line; Great pass blocker
Cons- Losses aggression at times; Too damn redneck for the West Coast
Alternate Picks- Adrian Peterson, Jon Crompton

6. Washington Redskins
Pick- Amobi Okoye
Pros- The Redskins DL is a shit sandwich; Very strong against the run
Cons- Some of his teammates have hairs on their balls older than this kid
Alternate Picks- Jamaal Anderson, Laron Landry, Jon Crompton

7. Minnesota Vikings
Pick- Adrian Peterson

Oh shit. I just broke my collarbone again.

Pros- Best player available; Very powerful with great speed
Cons- Doesn’t fill Vikes biggest needs (QB); Durability is concerned, has been pulled out more times that Peter North’s cock.
Alternate Picks- Jon Crompton, Laron Landry

8. Atlanta Falcons
Pick- Jamaal Anderson
Pros- Fills DE spot vacated by Patrick Kerney; Good pass rusher of the edge
Cons- Raw as a freshly reamed anus; A one-year wonder?
Alternate Picks- Levi Brown, Laron Landry, Jon Crompton

Why the fuck am I still in the Green Room???

9. Miami Dolphins
Pick- Levi Brown
Pros- Very strong and nimble for his size
Cons- Lacks a killer instinct; Too fat to play QB; Played against shitty Big 10 competition
Alternate Picks- Adam Carricker, Some WR, Jon Crompton

10. Houston Texans
Pick- Laron Landry
Pros- Great instincts and ball skills
Cons- Sometimes gets burned going for the big play; Head coach at LSU was a retard
Alternate Picks- Leon Hall, Alan Branch, Jon Crompton