So, I get home yesterday after a tough day at work and after more than an hour and a half of sitting on the world’s largest parking lot (L.A.’s infamous 405 freeway) all I want to do is chill. I head to my mailbox and what do I see? The Sports Illustrated College Football Preview. Needless to say I was stoked – it was a beautiful So. Cal day, I had already lit up my “Tomorrow’s Friday” fatty, which I rolled while sitting in traffic, and, like a kick to the throat, what page do I open the issue up to? A huge picture of Boise State’s Ian fucking Johnson being lionized as – THE MODERN VERSION OF EMMITT SMITH? Dear God — for fuck’s sake — Emmitt Smith? First of all, the article opened by comparing their “suave” demeanors, juxtaposing Emmitt’s TV dancing and Johnson’s wedding proposal foolishness (aren’t football players and cheerleaders prohibited from banging each other?). Either way, this is blasphemy. First of all, Johnson plays in the fucking WAC, and never was a conference so aptly named. This is a conference that allowed four teams to average more than 30 points per game (just for reference, the SEC only allowed one, LSU at 33 per) and allowed two teams to average 400 yards – per game — passing. The #1 team in the SEC last year in passing was Kentucky, and they didn’t even sniff 300 yards per game. Taking a quick look at their stats and, wait – I’m not even going to go there. During his tenure at UF, Emmitt faced the likes of Alabama, LSU, Florida State, Tennessee. Shit, You guys know. Who did Johnson face? Humm, mighty Sac St., Hawaii, Utah St. … you get the idea. Basically, the Special Olympics qualifiers of Division I football. Hey, I’ll give Johnson some credit, he’s a solid looking runner with some potential. But Emmitt is a legend. An absolute God in Gainesville – and Dallas for that matter. I understand the comparison in running styles and all of that jazz. But to compare this guy to one of the game’s best ever on both the pro and collegiate levels puts bubbles in my blood. What is it with the media and these teams that dominate weak conferences? And I won’t even get into the next page labeling Steve Slaton the next Tony Dorsett. I seriously had to double check to make sure I wasn’t reading ESPN The Magazine.
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