Earlier this month we uncovered a pagan Religion that is capturing imagination of the Drive-by Left-Wing Sports Media.
We discussed this religion with a longtime Florida Gator Fan who chose to remain unknown for fear of religious persecution. Here is the Q & A:
Why do you worship Tebow as a God?
Because Tebow is the closest thing to a God that a Gator can know and understand. We worship Tebow, and we can prove that not only does Tebow exist, but unlike any other god, it exists as we know it.
If Tebow is God, who is Satan?
Good question, but the answer should be obvious. Satan is quite simply any running back that depletes Tebow’s carries per game and ultimately his number of TDs in a season. Last year’s Satan was Chris Leak. He was a waif.
Who founded this religion?
Herbanism and the Church of Tebow were founded by Gary Danielson. Gary is a Color Analyst for CBS Sports. For privacy protection purposes, no other personal information will be disclosed about him.
What is the purpose of Herbanism?
The main purpose of Herbanism is to promote the spread of Florida Football through the use of Tebow. There is nothing on earth that connects Gators with the knowledge they desire so fast and effectively than Tebow. We believe in the cliché “knowledge is power”, and so should you.
Does Tebow perform miracles?
Why, yes She does.
Tim Tebow uses his magical fire breath to destroy opponents and then carries Herban Meyer away in his muscular arms. Or, listen to the analysis of how Tim prevents turnovers: “Wow, Verne, did you see that pass? He saw that the defender was in a perfect position to make the interception, so that’s why he overthrew his receiver, to make sure that if the Gators didn’t make that catch, then the defense sure wouldn’t either!”
There are other coaches using similar techniques as Tebow, are they Gods as well?
The short answer is yes, but to a lesser degree. Tebow is the best at what She does and therefore the most powerful of the Gods. Do not mistake a demon such as Auburn’s Brandon Cox or UGA’s Matt Stafford for a God. Demons sometimes disguise themselves as the Under Armour “Click Clack” or in Stafford’s case as an over exuberant end zone celebration.
I always thought Tebow was a male?
Sorry dude, Tebow does not have a penis, or a vagina for that matter. Originally, religions of the past thought of Gods as feminine. It wasn’t until monotheistic, Abrahamic religions such as Christianity, Islam and Judaism entered the picture that the concept of “God” became masculine. Basically you have been conditioned by your culture to view all Deities as male. The Church of Tebow is simply carrying on the ancient tradition of viewing Gods as feminine. It’s not about us being reverse sexist toward men or anything. It’s just about breaking a cultural taboo. Breaking taboo is the Gator Way
What is the Tebow Trinity?
The Tebow Trinity consists of the Herban Meyer, CBS and Nike’s Tony Joiner’s lips. Alone they are nothing, but combined they form a powerful entity.
Is there a Tebow afterlife?
By uploading our thoughts and opinions onto Florida Football Message Boards, we live on in Tebow’s cache even after our death.
What is the history of Herbanism?
The tale of the Church of Tebow is an inspirational story that will move every fiber of your being. The shocking tale can be read in its entirety only after it is written.
Herbanism sounds GREAT! How do I spread the word?
In short, the best way to promote our Church is to pray to Tebow (outsiders know this as “to search” for “to The Bow”) for blogs or websites you think would be interested in and post about our snazzy new religion. If you’re a member of an online community (discussion board or forum) you might want to put a link to us in your signature or start a topic asking “Is Tebow God?”.
I’m VERY interested in becoming a Herbanism Minister. Where do I apply?
Click on the comments link of this page. Basically, you’ll need to prove yourself before being ordained. Remember that becoming a minister will never require you to “donate” money. If you chose to donate money, you’ll do it for the right reasons.
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