South Carolina 27, Tennessee 24. The Broken Board and the Year Sixer
For seven days, the Year Sixer (Y6er) had been forced to live with Tennessee beating Alabama 26–10. The poor bastard was starving for something terrible to happen.
South Carolina finally fed him. The J6er had January 6. The Y6er had October 24. Tennessee had to lose so these men could finally start fixing it.
And as a bonus, three George MacIntyre touchdown passes had been wiped out by a crew led by former Alabama quarterback David Smith.
Smith had also worn the white hat in Columbia during the 2022 wristband-and-sign-stealing uproar. Coincidence? The world is rarely so lazy.
Anyway. Back to the J6ers, the Y6ers, and getting cockblocked.
South Carolina 27, Tennessee 24. A 48-yard kick at the death. The Y6er had spent a week treating the Alabama win like a clerical error. Finally, a score he believed in.
The rest of the fan base looked like it had been dragged behind a chicken hauler.
THREE TOUCHDOWNS IN THE TRASH
Tennessee had led 24–17. George MacIntyre threw three touchdowns erased by flags: 35 yards to Brame (illegal shift), 48 to Matthews (ineligible downfield), and 18 to Staley (holding).
Bishop still scored on the first drive. The other two ended in a punt and a field goal. Not twenty-one stolen points. Just enough points to lose.
Tennessee drew 12 flags for 90 yards; South Carolina, nine for 71. A fourth-and-one out of a timeout that went nowhere. A late fumble. Then a 48-yard kick sent the alleged cheaters home smiling. Plenty to hate; nobody agreed whom to blame.
HERE WE GO: FIRE EVERYBODY. AGAIN.
MuhMuhManRay wanted the touchdowns back. Icy_Ambassador_2161 wanted David Smith investigated. The board’s imaginary jury sentenced Smith to William Wallace’s final scene in Braveheart. Drawn. Quartered. No appeal.
alexpmarty blamed Heupel. VolsPE blamed players who couldn’t line up.
newnewcharcoil23 demanded, “Halzle out. Tonight.” Then he wanted Halzle left in Columbia. rdunlap1 nominated Elarbee for the same bus. nykezztv called MacIntyre a “mid true freshman QB.” Even three erased touchdown passes couldn’t get the rookie a break from the board.
At 14–0, 3rdwkoct demanded, “We need a QB and a OC.” AwlVawl declared Heupel “no championship coach.” Tennessee took the lead and briefly interrupted the firings. By postgame, somebody was asking whether football itself was dead.
Not Tennessee football. Football.
The fourth-and-one got its own court-martial. Bischoffshof blamed the call. itchierbumworms blamed execution. bigreed67 wanted a punt. easports18 asked, “Are we draining the clock or are saving time. Pick one Josh.”
Tennessee lost the down. The board spent the next twenty minutes arguing over what kind of down it was.
The other board formed a search committee. FC3 rejected 8–4 as a standard. BigOrangeBanjo remembered the fifteen years before Heupel. LWSVol asked which championship coach was available. AwlVawl said none. Crickets.
George Cafego wanted Heupel shaved and wearing a collar. Apparently the program also needed a haberdasher.
Elsewhere, the suffering had turned personal.
THE WALKING WOUNDED
No-Farm6691 offered the shortest eulogy: “Ruined my fucking week.”
Revolt2992 tried reassurance: “We still have every opportunity to make the playoffs. Breathe.” The replies prescribed one treatment to this Pumper: STFU.
SabreI4I wanted to know whether winning out kept the Vols in contention. anonymousUTguy laughed. KnoxvilleBuckeye wanted the $500,000 field-storming fine back.
Sohgin insisted the postgame headline was wrong: Tennessee had played the referees, not South Carolina. Pantone wondered who the dirtiest program in the SEC was now that Saban was gone. Then answered himself: South Carolina.
Same game. One fan saw the playoffs, another a funeral, a third an emergency coaching search. Another saw a cheating, corrupt program. He wasn’t wrong.
THE Y6 OUTBREAK
This wasn’t ordinary disappointment. Heupel’s Year Six Syndrome was spreading.
It spread through the boards like smallpox through a barracks. By nightfall it was I Am Legend in orange. First symptom: “Coaching Hotboard.” Then came the calls to hire somebody else, draw plays with AI, and snarl at anyone still enjoying Tennessee football.
The healthy fans barricaded themselves behind the Alabama box score. Outside, orange figures clawed at the door, groaning, “Year Six. Year Six.”
The infected stopped screaming about winning. Somebody said Tennessee had been robbed. They smiled.
For the first time in a week, the infected were fucking delighted.
In the Year Sixer fever dream, Hopes03 was celebrating: “I’m glad we lost. Made my fucking week. Now we can get an elite coach.”
Any unemployed elite coaches? Not a damn one. No matter. This is Tennessee. They’ll take the call. Somebody mentioned Dooley and got told STFU.
AuburnVol asked for names. “Total regime change over a guy who has brought Alabama to earth when they play us is really short sighted.”
His reward: STFU, followed by a list of fired NFL coaches and coaches already running top-ten college programs.
VermontVol asked: “Let’s see it. Nick Saban? Mike Tomlin? Grumors?” Dr. Curmudgeon 2.0 replied, “It’s not our job to hire a coach.”
In the imaginary Y6er’s head, Hopes03 was already screaming: “Then whose fucking job is it? I hired Saban on my lunch break. Tomlin’s my backup. Gruden can park cars. STFU.”
And in the center of this smoking asylum stood the Year Sixer, radiant.
He’d suffered through wins over Auburn, Arkansas, and Alabama. At last he had a loss and grieving neighbors to lecture. His Saturday was saved.
BEAMER’S STATE FAIR DIVERSION
Shane Beamer was still smarting over the 2022 Connor Stalions wristband-and-sign-stealing accusations. He called them disrespectful, then mocked Tennessee fans for needing something to blame.
What would it be this year? “Maybe it’s the lights from the state fair,” he suggested.
Bullshit.
Nice misdirection, slapdick. David Smith—the former Alabama quarterback—had worn the white hat for BOTH Columbia losses. This time, his crew wiped out three MacIntyre touchdown passes.
That doesn’t prove a fix, or that Smith personally threw the flags. But Beamer chose to ridicule old wristbands instead of the fresh controversy. Small-dick energy, now available in garnet.
The Year Sixers understood. They weren’t consoling anybody. They were collecting receipts.
The board couldn’t agree on the villain, the remedy, or whether football should continue.
The ordinary fan wanted the win.
The Year Sixer wanted something less than a win.
South Carolina got three points and a win.
The Year Sixer got his first happy ending since the Texas game.
RELATED MELTDOWNS
HALFTIME: THE BOARD HAS A SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER BLISTER
Post Game. Tennessee Beat Alabama. The Board Is Still Pissed Off.
IF: No-Hope03 Wants a Better Tennessee. First, Tennessee Has to Stop Winning.
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