Will the last one out of Fayetteville please turn out the lights?

A quick update on the Hog mess created by Nick Saban. Nick, I hope that you are happy. Look at the young Arkansas lads lining up to leave their home state to play for other schools.

Am I the only one to make the connection between all of the weird shit that is happening in Arkansas and Nick Saban? I really can’t make this shit up and it doesn’t get better than this. The Hillbilly saga that is Mustain/Malzahn/Nutt/Broyles and Mustain’s Momma just gets weirder by the day. It is happening just as the angel haired banged Nick Saban planned. Incredibly, I know that I saw Mustain-a-riffic’s grandmother on ESPN2 alleging some sort of physical abuse and child labor law violations?? Is Nutt running some sort of chinese sweatshop treating these kids like indentured servants? Why was Nutt whipping Mitch’s ass over shoe preference, Adidas or Nike? I guess Mitch doesn’t like Adiadas. (Does Tulsa have a contract with Nike?)

Arkansas is one of the schools under contract to adidas, but Mustain couldn’t find a shoe he liked and was comfortable with one produced by Nike. With adidas’ blessing, the training staff worked to make the Nike shoe look as generic as possible.

After the Alabama game, adidas flew in a footwear specialist from Portland. He did a so-called sock fitting with an ultra-thin material that adheres to every little bump on a foot. Once that was done, the shape was shipped to Boston where all the rough spots were sanded. Eventually, the mold was sent to the Orient where the shoes are constructed. Adidas sent Arkansas about 10 pairs of the shoes but, after a while, Mustain was back wearing Nike, something he donned for the Capital One Bowl. Adidas billed Arkansas a little more than $6,000 for the shoes.

Here is how Saban is destroying Houston’s Nutts. Shortly after arriving in Trailer-Town (thanks Mark Steve Urkel May) with all of the fanfare of a 1980s pin-up queen, the angel-hair coiffed Nick Saban laid out his plan for College Football domination:

• Take back the State of Alabama from Wingnut and the Barn
• Re-take the SEC West by destroying LSU and Arkansas. Orgeron and Ole Miss are well, Orgeron and Ole Miss. non factors
• Restore Alabama to her/his rightful place among College Football’s elite
• Expose the current Anti-Christ as a false prophet (Herban Meyer)

Saban’s plan, in concept, has worked well until this week. One success story for Saban has been reaching back into the LSU program and convincing JaMarcus Russell to skip the NFL and join him at Bama. Exposing a huge fracture in the LSU program and exposing Les Miles has slightly smarter version of Ed Orgeron. Did anyone else notice that LSU OC Jimbo Fisher left? That is the kind of fear and intimidation that Nick Saban brings with him.

Using his now estranged NFL contacts, Saban covertly pushed Dallas coach David Lee Roth onto Arkansas. The thinking behind this was two-fold, Gus Malzahn seeing his role further degraded, would leave for another school and Mitch Mustain and the Springdale Divas would transfer from Arkansas. Saban then could cherry-pick the Divas. What Saban failed to account for was Malzahn’s surprising influence over the Divas and their parents. Saban now realizes that he is dealing with an equal in evil. Mustain now is leaning towards Oklahoma and Tulsa (surprised?).

Then today, Saban loses Rogers Arkansas offensive lineman recruit Lee Ziemba who has scheduled a press conference Friday morning to announce that he will attend Auburn University. Saban, ever the spin master, quickly announced that this failure was a success. Privately Saban noted, “At least he is not going to LSU and Arkansas, he got the right state (Alabama) but wrong school (Auburn). Saban stated, “at least blue chippers are thinking about Alabama now, we will get them calibrated in us real soon. Click-Clack my angel winged coiffed ass Wingnut”.