Author’s note, this is intended as fun, satire with a touch of facts included. If you do not have a sense of humor, please stop reading and go away.
In order to “dip stick” Tennessee’s fans attitudes to a 9 win season and a bowl bid, keeping in mind of the vast improvement from last year’s 5-6 debacle, we reviewed several Tennessee Football Message Boards after the Vols precise, cold and calculating defeat of Kentucky. Tennessee’s squawky, rowdy and Psychobilly fanbase complaints of the mediocity of the Vol’s season makes the average fan believe that Aunt Flo was coming to
visit this week. Now the phenomena known as “Bowl Apathy” is now sweeping this raucous and spoiled fanbase. with comments like these: “The Music City Bowl? Hmmph!!! ” or “The Peach Bowl? Not again.” Bad news Volunteer fans, this link show that Tennessee is back: Stassen Stats
Well, we found out how Phil Fulmer made that 9th win a reality. In a rare but candid look at Fulmer’s Grand Chessmaster-like planning to defeat Kentucky. Fulmer again encourages the Big Orange Nation to shut your pie holesThe simplicity of Phillip Fulmer’s idea made it much more complex. By “eking” into the Bowl season with a mediocre 9-3 record, with three losses to top ten teams and appearances against eight bowl-bound teams, the Volunteers lulled their opponents into a false sense of security. His players, meanwhile, quietly played their parts to perfection, grateful, even to be invited to a bowl game.
Fulmer, remaining quiet amid speculation of former offensive coordinator and now current Kentucky Quarterback coach Randy Sanders brazen promise to “tear down the the goal posts and plant a flag” at Neyland Stadium, Fulmer drew intense scrutiny from the liberal left wing Knoxville media. But in private conservations with Tennessee Defensive Coordinator John Chavis, Fulmer’s calculating continued. “If Sanders is going to embarrass me, I’m going to embarrass Sanders and his quarterback. What would happen if I let them drive up and down the field and force them to try field goals?” Fulmer asked his longtime assistant. Chavis’s reply showed the rewards of all of those years laboring in the shadow of the great man. “Considering their kicker,” he said, ” I imagine that would cause errors.” Fulmer nodded, “Precisely!” The Kentucky kicker missed field goals and an extra point as result of the Fulmer’s “Bend but don’t Break” Plan.
Prior to the game, Fulmer charted every 4th quarter red zone play attempted by Kentucky during the season. Fulmer then demonstrated a sagicity rarely seen at any level of coaching and charted all of the Volunteers 4th quarter red zone plays from 1999-2005 when Sanders was the Vols Offensive Coordinator. Thus, he determined exactly that Kentucky would run a reverse to the short side of the field. He ordered Chavis to to put his defense into a formation to counteract this playcall (Fulmer also ordered the grounds crew to add moisture to that area of the field). Fulmer said to Chavis, “Poor Woodson (the Kentucky Quarterback), the kid is gonna be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the playclock is going to run out on him.” Indeed, this scenario played out as Fulmer planned.
The Cats had second-and-goal from the UT 3 with less than four minutes left when they started backtracking. Woodson was whistled for a costly delay of game penalty that moved the ball back to the 8. Woodson said he thought the ball was snapped before the clock expired.
“I’m pretty sure I got it off,” Woodson said. “I guess one official saw it differently.”
Offensive Coordinator Joker Phillips took responsibility for the delay, saying Woodson was trying to change the play at the line of scrimmage.
Forcing Kentucky to pass for a score. Tennessee’s relentless pass rush and ironclad defensive backs slammed the door shut on The Prodigal Son’s return home to Knoxville.
As the clock ticked down on this 9-3 mediocre season, Fulmer winked at Chavis, as if to say, “Mission accomplished.”
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