Review of “Bama Profiles in Courage: Laykin”: (Capers) Barr flexes through an emotional range that most writers would never dare attempt … Humor and Bama sorrow are fused together like twined tree trunks that keep each other standing…..It’s part satire, part character study, with a wry lens on fame, fandom, and the modern South. Well done, Capers, well done.”– Ian Allen, The Times Literary Supplement.

You all have the Heisman. We just kind of agree, honestly, on who the best player is. This year, it was a tie between McFadden and Russell. We don’t care a thing about the Heisman because it’s not really about who the best player is. We don’t have a formal meeting in a big city to give out the award. We just kind of all agree. Afterall, it’s about the team anyway.

Michigan has won more games than anyone. But, that is because they have played much longer than a lot of teams. In the last 75 years (most all of the major programs have been around that long) – a southern team (Tennessee) has more wins than any program.

Brent Musburger and Keith Jackson repeating it over and over again, year after year, does not make it true. The Rose Bowl is not, and has never been, “the granddaddy of them all.” The Sugar Bowl is.

The school out west is Southern Cal. USC is the school in Columbia.

ESPN’s “brightest” repeating it often still does not make it true. The best rivalry in football is not Michigan and Ohio State. It’s either Alabama/Auburn or Ole Miss/Mississippi State or Georgia/Georgia Tech or USC/Clemson.

The greatest plays of all time did not involve Doug Flutie or the Stanford band. LSU had a hand in both – 1. a last second bomb at Kentucky and 2. when one of the greatest RB’s of all time (Billie Cannon) was stopped on four consecutive downs on the one by General Neyland’s Vols.

We’re pretty sure that the best coaches ever were the Bear, the General, Shug and Dodd.

The extreme of football is not 25 degrees in December, it’s 92 degrees in September.

The best day in college football comes every other year. When the Tide rolls into Rocky Top – when the leaves are brilliant and the sky is stark blue. When a big orange ball reflects off the River. The 3rd Saturday of October.

Bo, Herschel, Doug Atkins, Manning x3, the Snake, Broadway, Reggie White, Emmit Smith, LeRoy Jordan, Y.A. Tittle, Billie Cannon – these are the legends.

Passion is known best in places like the Grove or in Columbia – where there’s not always a lot of winning – but there’s always hope. And winning is a tradition all over the place – on the Plains, in the Bayou, at the Capstone, on the Tennessee River, in the Swamp, at the slop trough and between the Hedges.

If ya’ll ain’t a Farmer, Hillbilly, Bammer, Coonass, Dawg, Cowboy, Redneck, Swamprat or true gentleman – then you have no clue what football really means.

*Thanks to MarkPacker

32 responses to “Southern Football Ekwivuhlunts – Grill Viper Special”

  1. Man,

    You hit the nail on the head. Good commentary. I enjoy your site, keep it up.

  2. chris leak's 4.5 forty hookslide Avatar
    chris leak’s 4.5 forty hookslide

    Brilliant post. You are the Faulkner of the CFB Blogger World

  3. BandCampersAreGeek Avatar
    BandCampersAreGeek

    Havet to disagree on this:

    USC is Southern Cal. South Carolina is South Carolina and nothing more.

  4. Chris Leak's Soiled Diapers Avatar
    Chris Leak’s Soiled Diapers

    I wept so hard as I read this, that I shit myself

  5. I have no soul. This means nothing to me

  6. I wanna come home

  7. Florida doesn’t count, dope smoking fiends should receive the SMU Penalty

  8. Don’t know how you left John Vaught off the list of best coaches.

  9. “The best day in college football comes every other year. When the Tide rolls into Rocky Top – when the leaves are brilliant and the sky is stark blue. When a big orange ball reflects off the River. The 3rd Saturday of October.”

    Amen Brother. Your house on the evens. My house on the odds. It’s a dual statewide holiday. Hell even the Yankees and the Left Coasters know what the 3rd Saturday in October means. From General Neyland and the Seven Maxims of Football to Mike Dubose losing a nut and Bear playing with a broke leg (both during Tennessee games). There is no substitue.

    It is hatred…

    “Well Eli, Smokey just came out of the tunnel, and he’s about 100 yards away from me now, and if I had my deer rifle I believe I could drop him, back to you Eli” — Jerry Duncan’s comments to Eli Gold just prior to kickoff against Tennessee.

    …but it is also monumental respect…

    “People think I’m the greatest coach in the world,” said the great Bear Bryant, “but General Neyland taught me everything I know.”

  10. Wheere is my name?

  11. Grill, I got da chillz readin’ dat. Need to repost that in the fall.

  12. Auburn Sucks.

  13. Southern Football is second to none. Excellent blog.

    USC = flagship university of a state. Not a region of a state.
    SC = South Carolina. The US Post Office uses it.
    South Carolina College was founded in 1801 when California was part of the Spanish Empire.

    SC College was 1st renamed to USC in 1866.

    Southern Cal, founded in 1880.

    USC = The University of South Carolina

  14. JR,

    Take that shit down or get out of town. We don’t cross lines here, Gators gotcha your granny…chomp chomp

  15. Gamecock Since the Cradle Avatar
    Gamecock Since the Cradle

    Great blog. Especially agree about the REAL 365 day-a-year rivalries in the South.

    Would love to see you list George “I would go out of my way on a breakaway run to trample a defensive back just for the exercise” Rogers among the legends. Not as versatile as McFadden, but aside from Hershel, the best back I have seen live.

  16. Dis warmed my heart, it made my leg feel better.

  17. This so much better than porn

  18. Name Changed To Protect The Innocent Avatar
    Name Changed To Protect The Innocent

    If only I had thought to steal this!!! Damn you!!!! One day closer to my favorite day!!!

    Back to my evil lair to ponder!!!

    Shit!!

  19. go back to the cave and do a chris leak imitation

  20. Obama Bin Saban (Tape Delay - Pinson, Alabamistan) Avatar
    Obama Bin Saban (Tape Delay – Pinson, Alabamistan)

    Vols (unintelligble) Jihad upon you!!

    Propst Rush will be command my team football!

    Satuday the 3rd of October will be ugly bad day for Vols year basis!

  21. tongue my balls Propst

  22. I would hate to be a fan on a team outside of the South. What a bunch of losers (without socks). They will never understand how ridiculously serious we take our football.

  23. I wept and then pooped after reading this. I bet this shows up on EDSBS

  24. Dear baby Jesus thank you for SEC football! !!!

  25. 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus?

  26. A little bigger and he can share diapers with Leak!

  27. BandCampersAreGeek Avatar
    BandCampersAreGeek

    Spur sucking his own spur,…..let the record books dictate who is callled what.

    Until South Carolina can turn around and win numerous national championships and domainate like Southern Cal, USC will refer to Southern Cal and not Soth Carolina.

    South Carolina is nothing but a wannabee school that has done anything remarkable.

  28. The Ghostface Killer Person Avatar
    The Ghostface Killer Person

    BandCampersAreYourBoyfriends:

    I say USC stands for U Suck Cock.

    Deal with it and take a number.

  29. BandCampersAreGeek Avatar
    BandCampersAreGeek

    You obviously know that from experience. How did mine taste?:)!

  30. An Attempt At Skill Was Fooled By Grammar And Phrasing Avatar
    An Attempt At Skill Was Fooled By Grammar And Phrasing

    Reading that glorious McAweseome statement…

    You would be the sucker of cocks, playboy.

    This is a 5th grade rebuttle gone awry.

    Poop in a bag, put it on your porch, set it on fire, ring the doorbell.

    pwn3d

  31. Now that is a crappy response.

  32. I think fiber is in order.

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