As we all know, 2006 was full of changes in college football, most recognizable would be the “clock rule” (sucks). Why speed up something that makes so many men happy? Something tells me either Rosie or Ellen are to blame for this rule being implemented, or maybe it was those hoodrats on the View. Either way, the NCAA has come back with a fresh new set of rules for the 2007 season, let’s take a glance at a few.

1- No player is allowed to fail a drug test, and still participate in a game….. Unless you play for Florida

It will be enforced to the highest degree in 2007, and is pretty straight forward. Basically, unless you play for Herban Meyer, you cannot smoke left handed cigarettes and expect to play next Saturday. Most coaches disagree with this ruling, but Coach Meyer thinks it’s best for college football. “I wish this rule was implemented a year ago,” Herban said, “that way I could have gotten Harrison Smith.” As a sidenote, we attempted to interview freshman standout Percy Harvin, but he was tripping on Psychadelic mushrooms and didn’t know his own name.

2-The NCAA is also implementing a rule they have so fittingly named “The Chris Leak Rule.”

This rule, in another effort to protect the quarterback, requires QB’s to wear a snug fitting thong under their jockstrap, in an effort to keep all of the sand/dirt out of their respective vaginas. Thanks Chris.

3-In an effort to cut down on the amount of plays being stolen by opposing coaches, The NCAA is enforcing what it is calling the “Everyday should be Batshit Crazy Ogeron Day.” While they are still working on the particulars, it will consist of spending a certain amount of time living in the home of Ole Miss coach Ed Ogeron as punishment for stealing articles plays. 4-Finally, in a last ditch effort to get Notre Dame back in the National Championship game and save Charlie Weiss’ life, the NCAA partnered with ESPN to enforce a rule that will change college football as we know it.Coach Charlie Weiss is given an “allowance” of 18 double cheeseburgers he can eat during a 5 day work week. For every double cheeseburger he does not eat out of the 18, an additional 7 points will be added to Notre Dame’s final score the corresponding Saturday. For example, if Coach Weiss would have only eaten 14 cheeseburgers the week of the Sugar Bowl, Notre Dame would have defeated LSU 42-41. Beano Cook has been appointed the man to keep count of the cheeseburgers Coach Weiss inhales daily.