Hold your fire, buddy-they haven’t earned it yet…

I keep waiting to see a sticker on the back window of some Bubba’s Chevy truck that shows Calvin taking a whiz on a Toyota logo. Instead, just a few races into the young season, maybe there should be a sticker that has NASCAR bigwig Bill France taking a twelve double-cheese Krystal and Busch beer-infused all-American dump on the ol’ hook and horns instead.

Sexxxxxy, I know. In fact, I’m gonna make a thousand of those stickers right away and sell them at the first Talledega race.

So whassup with Toyota and all their growing pains? First of all, let’s look at the cars themselves. In order to keep the core fan base (read: Southerners) happy, they tightened up on the engines. Like Pucker Factor Nine in the Sphincter Scale. No horsepower! C’mon, NASCAR, let ‘em friggin’ race!

Remember the days when Ford and Chevy complained loud enough that the rules and templates would be changed several times a season? You’ve paid millions of dollars to get in the game, Toyota. Enough with this “Thanks for having us” humility crap (we all know that’s fake anyway); grab a pair of TruckNuts off the back of Mike Skinner’s Tundra, throw ‘em in your pants and go have a talk with NASCAR.

Seriously, Toyota, what’s stopping you? I’m personally pretty friggin’ sick of reading story after story of your qualifying woes. The winsome stares into space from Michael Waltrip, et cetera. And if Dave Blaney’s your only reasonably consistent qualifier, why not put some support behind him? At least HE’s here to race. Again, you’ve spent money, sack up and start throwing wrenches.

For those of you out there thinking, well, maybe they coulda gotten better drivers, actually, they did the best they could (even if it does resemble a cross between the glue factory and “The Bad News Bears Go Kart Racing”). Trouble is, NASCAR won’t let Toyota even approach any team worth having its driver emblazoned on a crock pot for two years.

Where there’s Smoke, there’s chili.

In sum, maybe you’ll see a “superteam” sporting the Toyota logo one day, but for now, Calvin can save the golden showers for more worthy targets, like Jeff Gordon.