Athlon has predicted that LSU is the #3 team in the nation. We had a chance to sit down with LSU Coach Les Miles and discuss the Bayou Bengals.

JAI: So, Les, how DOES one overcome coach’s block? Is it done – as you seem to do – by calling multiple timeouts at random? Or screaming meaningless interjections like “fuck”, or is there something else to it?

LES: Actually, the key to overcoming coach’s block is mental stimulation

JAI: You mean like the energy you get from a Chihuahua Warrior Dog?

LES: Aye! Chihuahua! Karamba! [Les, the old skank sat on the sofa smoking cigarettes while his chihuahua hid underneath and growled] The most dangerous enemy is the one you don’t fear. No, no… My lil dog is more of a physical stimulant. They’re great if you need a little extra UMPH! for doing some high-kick spin-move while Robot Dancing, or if you’re planning on smacking Eddie O. around like a hooker who’s rolling her trick money, but coach’s block is more of a mental problem. It means something’s not right in your brain, and it needs correcting. And in Eddie O’s case, as they often say, you can’t fix stupid.

JAI: Personally, I’ve always thought that about lawyers. So what IS a good mental stimulant?

LES: Well, coach’s block is a VERY stubborn thing. You have to tap into the most primal of emotions to find the energy to breakthrough. Fear, anger, hatred…Fuck, I hate red…

JAI: I have observed your questionable decision making skills during the heat of the game. What’s it like to be one of those insufferable asshats who has everything go their way, by accident?

LES: Believe me when I say this, I am a complete rockhead.. But the point is, that stimulating these emotions causes a strong wave of mental force… it acts like a battering ram, and it smashes clean through coach’s block. Sometimes I think that the LSU Band plays “Brown Noise” so that I will take a dump in my 501 Levi buttonfly jeans.

JAI: Sorta like when Ed Orgeron hugged his inner idiot-self really hard and let his primal scream smash clean through his wall of restraint, dignity, and titty twisting appeal after losing prize recruit Joe McKnight to Southern Cal? What is funny about that is that O worked the McKnight for years….Hilarious

LES: Exactly… Orgeron’s fuckups are one of my favorite block-busters.

JAI: Les… look at this is a video of two LSU fans kissing… this might be considered GAY!… if I wanted to be stimulated, I’d watch that thing with Paris Hilton wearing a teddy while washing a car and eating a hamburger. At least SOMETHING would get stimulated…

More after the jump

LES: Heh. Indeed. Stimulated yet?

JAI: If by stimulated you mean “wet my pants”, then – yes. You bastard! What kind of sick, twisted, sadistic monster ARE you? Lets back to the interview. Bammers: Shula or Saban?

*pregnant pause*

Jai: Hello? Nutria got your tongue? [covertly I play the “Brown Noise” MP3_Listen to it here at your own peril: poopmaking]

Hello?

Les: Sorry, I just blacked out.

Jai : Mental or electrical?

Les: I swore at God, and suddenly the lights went out. I think He was trying to send me a message, but I don’t understand it. I’m sure He’ll explain it to me when I’m dead.

Jai: Have you been paying the electric bill? [I hear an audible clicking sound, and the room smells of open ass] What in the blue hell is that shit smell? Did you just pop an anal gland, Les?

Les: Oh crap yes. here is the electric bill sitting right here on my desk.

Jai: The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

Jai: Anyway, we were talking about Bammers.

Les: Yes.

Les: So, were you successful? I’ve tried sneaking up on those Nutria, but they’re fidgety.

Jai: You have to throw them. The trick is to time it so they don’t get hit with the handle, which just pisses them off. Then you are in REAL trouble.

Les: Probably doing it as a drive-by would be safest then. This nicely segues into my next question: why is your site named loserwithsocks!? Why not Loserswithsocks? Plural versus singular?

Jai: Well, http://www.leterripandihateredbecauseIamlivinginsaban’sshadow.com was taken, so was .us, .gov, .nu, and .org. What do you think of these interview questions?

Les: Well, at least you didn’t make a move on me.I suppose I can be classified a bit of a homophobe. I was a little nervous about that. I think they’re hard, but I think if they weren’t there wouldn’t be any fun in answering them. Honestly I hate interviews because it feels like a challenge of who’s dumber and more trite. Like “Hey, let me ask you the most predictable question ever so you can give me the most rehearsed and predictable answer ever, how delightful!” These take a bit more work and I dig ’em like those new pop tarts, Go Tarts.

Jai: Boxers or briefs?

Les: Oh I’m all commando today. Normally it’s boxers but asking me to show up somewhere and have underwear on at the same time frankly asking a bit too much, don’t you think?

Jai: You probably don’t know this, but LSU is #3 in Athlons’s preseason rankings. Do you own a computer? And as a follow up question: Is it true that when Jimbo Fisher was your Offensive Coordinator, you taught him to shake twice before he zips it up?

Les: Ha ha ha! You’re hilarious. Ever thought of doing stand up?

Jai: The hecklers would make me cry.

Jai: Is it true you are incapable of original thought?

Les: Not really. We went down to Gunsville to play the Gators and you didn’t see a stray dog in the neighborhood for almost a year after our fans left.

Jai: Ginger or Mary Ann?

Les: As God as my witness, I would nail Mary Ann like I was a jackhammer busting concrete. ♪♫ meow meow ♪♫ meow meow ♪♫ meow meow ♪♫ meow meow…

Jai: OK, then, You lost Quarterback Ryan Perrilloux in the offseason. When you lose a player that unproven, how does the team adjust?

Les: Excellent question. During this time, I dispense largesse, call in favors, wet my pants a little, and generally mix with my Godchildren. Evenings are usually spent in my air boat, floating over bayous near Baton Rouge in my red velvet smoking jacket and fez, reading left-wing newspapers and shouting IDIOTS! with a brass megaphone.

Jai: Were you aware that Nick Saban uses gel in his hair every day? Doesn’t that make him a better coach than Bob Stoops, who merely towel dries his hair look like a little pussy? What is your position on that?

Les: Hey, my cell phone is shiny!

Jai: Can I see?

Les: Oh, sorry, I forgot about you for a second.

Jai: Those things happen. It is a very fluid environment

Les: Now, at this crucial time in LSU football history, people seem to have divided themselves into two camps: those who I think I, Les Miles am the greatest football genius and those who think I am the greatest genius period. Where do you fall?

Jai: Les Miles? I thought this was about Nick Saban!

Les: Goddman you! Do not mention that name in my presence! This interview is OVER! Eject! Eject! Eject!