Dear Santa – I have been a good boy this year, well ok, who are we kidding, I have been more naughty than nice, but it never stopped you before. I promise to leave you an ice cold Guiness and some Emerald Nuts out – just fulfill my Christmas wishlist:

1. The first thing on my Christmas wishlist is a Monte. No, I don’t want a Monte Carlo, a Canadian Monte, a Monte Christo, or a Monte Python, I want a Monte Kiffin. I want a dynamic defensive coordinator who will dream up ways to get Ben Martin and Chris Walker into the offensive backfield and who will find a way to have Eric Berry striking the Heistman Pose. Is that too much to ask?

2. The second thing I want for Christmas is an Ogre. Don’t get me wrong, you can leave the bugger picking flatulence producing “Ogre” from Revenge of the Nerds alone. Don’t try and pull that fast one. I want the one that lives down at Bourbon Street in New Orleans and coaches the D-Line for the Aints. I want him here at Tennessee coaching the Defensive Line for our Vols showing them movies of Zebras getting chased down by Lions and such just before games. I want him out on the recruiting trail for the “Orange Swarm” producing top 5 classes in a routine manner.

3. I want a good defensive backs coach. I want someone like Joe Whitt Jr. to come in and be able to recruit like no one’s business, then be able to get our secondary to be the best in the nation as it has the talent to be.

4. I want an offensive line that gets penalized frequently for unnecessary roughness. I am tired of our lines at the U of T reaching their hands up to be pulled up by the defenders. I want a line that is made of guys with the mean streaks that Spencer Riley, Harry Galbreath, the McKenzie Brothers had. I want guys that step on the D-linemen after they pancake them rather than help them up. Is that wrong to ask for?

5. I want an offense with imagination. I want to see us utilize guys like Gerald Jones and Ahmad Page. I want to see an offense that runs inside with Hardesty and outside with Creer. I want to see passes to Brandon Warren and bombs to Denarious Moore. I want to see points on the scoreboard and fear in the eyes of teams that have to come to Neyland to play.

Dear Santa – thats what I want for Christmas this year. I know this is a big list for someone a little short on good acts this year, but perhaps if you take all the goodness from each member of the Big Orange Nation you could come up with some of these requests. In return I promise not to roll my Gator Neighbor’s house next year and I promise to quit teaching my 2 year olds to say Buck Fama. Is it a deal?