WARNING!
Play at your own risk. It’s highly probable you’ll be knocked out by halftime if Gus and Joel are in playoff form.
Gus and Klatt on the Call for the Michigan-Ohio State
Rule #1: “Partner”
Joel frequently refers to Gus as “Partner.” The first time he says it, the designated “Partner” must take 1 drink and then pass the title to another player. Each subsequent time Joel says “Partner,” the new Partner takes drinks equivalent to the number of times it’s been said. The Partner must wear a “Klatt Hat” to show their status.
Rule #2: “Are-You-Kidding-Me?!”
Every time Gus Johnson erupts with a especially elongated “Are you kidding me?!” everyone must finish their drink. If he follows it with “OH MY GOODNESS!” players must shout it back, with the last person to respond having to do a shot.
Rule #3: “world-famous Ohio State Buckeyes”
If Gus calls Ohio State, THE “world-famous Ohio State Buckeyes” everyone must stand, salute, and drink 2. The last person to salute has to call Joel’s breakdowns “brilliant” for the rest of the game.
Rule #4: “WOW!”
Whenever Gus yells “WOW!”, the first person to mimic his tone perfectly gets to assign 5 drinks. If nobody tries, everyone drinks.
Rule #5: “The Best in the Country”
When Klatt calls a player “the best in the country” at their position, everyone must vote by pointing at who they think the second-best is (no talking allowed). The person who gets the most votes must drink for 5 seconds.
Rule #6: “Too Much Mustard on That One!”
If Gus comments that a quarterback or kicker “put too much mustard on that one,” everyone takes a shot of their drink. If he mentions “mustard” AND “hot dog” in the same sentence, take two.
Rule #7: “Incredible Catch!”
When a spectacular catch happens, Gus loses his mind (as expected). The first player to yell “Got ‘em!” gets to assign drinks equal to the number of replays shown of the catch. If no one yells, everyone drinks once for each replay.
Rule #8: “The Big Ten vs. SEC Debate”
If Joel Klatt starts comparing Big Ten schools to SEC schools during a non-conference game, the first person to name a former player from either conference gets to assign 10 seconds of drinking. If no one can name a player, everyone drinks.
Rule #9: “Touchdown! No Wait…”
If Gus prematurely calls a touchdown that is later overturned, everyone must drink continuously until the next play begins.
Rule #10: “My Guy”
Joel loves to call players “My Guy.” If he says it, the most athletic-looking player in the group becomes “My Guy” and has to drink a shot with their fly open. If they refuse, they drink. If someone else mocks them for it, that person must drink instead.
Rule #11: “Get the Ball to the Playmakers”
When Joel suggests the offense needs to “get the ball to their playmakers,” everyone must shout “Run the damn ball!” The last person to do so drinks 3.
Rule #12: “Camera Booth Shot”
Whenever Joel and Gus are shown in the booth, the Partner must toast them and everyone must drink 1. If Gus is wearing a particularly loud tie, double it.
Rule #13: “Speed in Space”
Whenever Joel Klatt breaks down a team’s offense by mentioning “Speed in Space,” everyone takes 3 drinks. If Gus echoes it, add another drink.
Rule #14: Gus Drools Over Prime
If Gus starts gushing over Deion Sanders or Colorado football, shout “Coach Prime!” while doing the “Shades On” motion. Last person to do it drinks twice and must say, “Colorado is back, baby!” every time Gus mentions Colorado for the rest of the game.
Rule #15: Random Colorado Love
If Joel Klatt randomly gushes about Boulder, the Buffaloes, or the “thin air advantage,” everyone drinks and the first person to yell “Mountain Tough!” assigns 3 drinks.
Rule #16: Joel’s Film Room
If Joel pulls out his expert breakdown of a play or coaching decision, everyone must write down their own analysis on a napkin. The best (or funniest) analysis gets to hand out drinks. If you don’t participate, you must finish your drink.
Rule #17: Gus Laughs and Growls Hysterically
Whenever Gus bursts into uncontrollable laughter (it’s contagious) or growls his R’s with a booming baritone voice, the last person to join in has to finish their drink.
Enjoy responsibly, and remember: Joel Klatt and Gus Johnson bring the chaos, and you’re just along for the ride!
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