Three erased touchdowns. Two quarterbacks. Even LWSVol has lost his patience.
Tennessee has a bye week. General’s Quarters has spent it arguing over two quarterbacks it would like to bench simultaneously. By lunch, the board had fired Heupel twice, hired Chad Morris and called each other idiots. Nobody had left the recliner.
GQ whipping-boy George MacIntyre gave these geniuses what they’d been begging for against Auburn: the ball came out of his hand on time and the sacks stopped. In Columbia he threw three touchdowns. Oddly, David Smith’s crew took all three back: illegal shift, illegal man downfield, holding. Three throws into the end zone. Zero passing touchdowns in the box score. The board’s next suggestion was to sit his ass down.
GallaVol took one look at the box score and thought of the service academies. By his arithmetic, Army, Navy and Air Force had more passing touchdowns than ‘Clempsun’, while GMac had just had three taken away. He typed “Clempsun” the way a man spits tobacco juice into a coffee can. Nobody corrected him. For four precious replies, Tennessee fans were united—against Clemson. Then somebody brought up Chad Morris, Clemson’s offensive coordinator.
VolFan1979 had a solution: “Clempsun fired Chad Morris. Bring him here to help Josh before Troy gets him.” Nobody had told him that Dabo had just promised Morris would finish the season as Clemson’s offensive coordinator. General’s Quarters treated it as a Microsoft Teams scheduling conflict. Somebody was already clearing out Joey Halzle’s office.
The quarterback instructions were no clearer:
Start Faizon Brandon immediately, unless that’s rushing him.
Stick with GMac, unless that’s damaging Faizon.
Fire Heupel after either quarterback’s first incompletion.
One poster suggested Casey Clausen’s frosted tips attached to a dual-threat body. Nobody ruled it out. With both kids somehow benched and starting, the board waited for Heupel to settle things at Wednesday’s press conference.
LWSVOL CALLS THE PRESS CONFERENCE DUMB
At the bye-week press conference, Heupel got the question that had eaten four pages of General’s Quarters: GMac or Faizon against Kentucky? Both had practiced well, he said. He wouldn’t pick one. The board had already picked both and benched both. Then LWSVol, a man who usually defends Heupel when the room starts throwing furniture, called the press conference “dumb.”
Dumb. From LWSVol. The board’s old bull elephant had stopped telling everybody to settle down. He’d even named the quarterback he wanted against Kentucky. Heupel wouldn’t say it publicly. LWSVol would. Somebody checked whether his account had been hacked.
It wasn’t even LWSVol’s first fight of the week. In an AI-assisted injury thread, somebody claimed Tennessee had suffered 83 injuries, 60 serious. LWSVol asked, “83 injuries in 2021 or 83 missed games? 83 injuries is the entire roster.” One poster argued about definitions. Another argued that the post was too long to read. They were now fighting about whether reading was required before replying.
LWSVol dug up the study. “IMO, it is horse crap data.” Sixty supposedly severe injuries and only 39 missed games. He even questioned whether Heupel had used injury stoppages to rest the defense. The old bull had brought the report and his belt. Everybody else had brought an opinion. A poster supplied the diagnosis: “AI-dderall is a hell of a drug.”
For years General’s Quarters had begged somebody to challenge Heupel. Now LWSVol was doing it, and the place didn’t know what to make of him. He’d called the press conference dumb, named his Kentucky quarterback and gone hunting through the injury numbers while the rest of the board was still arguing about who should read them.
By Sunday the Vols will have rested. General’s Quarters will have reported 83 fresh injuries, none serious enough to miss a post. LWSVol has the report in one hand and the belt in the other. For the first time all week, nobody is quite sure who is about to get it.
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