My fourth book, “Who is America’s Quarterback, Partner?”, is on the way, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to share a sneak peek. The following excerpts are fictionalized alternate endings, drawn from real events and personalities in a novel set to release in summer 2025.

In a recent interview on the Baffler Podcast, I described my barely-contained excitement:

“There’s nothing better than sharing a slice of my work for the first time, especially where my writing career took off. I’ve poured endless hours into this. Alternate history is no joke—you’re stitching real events together and then blowing them up with a single ‘what if.’ It’s the ultimate playground for nerds like me.”

“You know, go back in time, tweak one thing—stop a disaster, fix a screw-up—and suddenly the world is perfect. Everything wrong gets fixed. Who wouldn’t want that kind of God-mode power?”

What if a single butterfly’s delicate wing-beat in Africa triggered a hurricane across the Atlantic?

This is that story.

In this alternate timeline, college football’s iconic pregame shows—ESPN’s College GameDay and Fox’s Big Noon Kickoff—become ground zero for a clash of egos. At the heart of it all are Joel Klatt and Kirk Herbstreit, two former field generals turned analysts, fighting not just for ratings but the throne of “America’s Quarterback, Partner.”

So as Jay Cutler once said, “Read it or don’t read it. I just don’t care.”

Part One: The Fox Poaches the Bear

November 2, 2024: Beaver Stadium, University Park, Pennsylvania

The pageantry of college football was in full swing: packed campuses, sign-waving lunatics, flying flags, and dancing mascots. But backstage at College GameDay and Big Noon Kickoff, a not-so-friendly rivalry between star analysts Joel Klatt and Kirk Herbstreit was nearing a breaking point. The whispers about their feud had grown into a full-on roar, thanks to leaks from someone intent on exposing the grudges and egos.

Part One: The Fox Poaches the Bear

November 2, 2024: Beaver Stadium, University Park, Pennsylvania

It really started in 2022, when Fox swooped in and snatched ESPN’s beloved gambling guru, Chris “The Bear” Fallica.

Bear’s segments had become  an awkward fit at ESPN, where his no-BS style clashed with the squeaky-clean brand. Fans loved him, but backstage tensions bubbled over during the offseason. Something had to give.

A source close to the situation remembered the final confrontation: “It was like Bear was too big for his role but not big enough for ESPN’s vision. They wanted him polished. Bear? Polished? That guy’s a sledgehammer wrapped in flannel.”

The moment of reckoning came in February 2022. The Gameday producers sent in stoic and perpetually buttoned-up Chris Fowler to deliver the bad news.

A source close to the situation said: “Fowler was the guy they sent in to ‘handle things.’ Quiet authority and all that. But let’s be real—nobody walks into Bear’s office without a little fear. It’s like poking a bear in the middle of a nap: you might survive, but you’re definitely coming out with some scratches.”

Fowler knocked on Bear’s office door with all the enthusiasm of a guy volunteering to hold a live grenade. “Bear,” he began, tugging nervously at the zipper on his Colorado Buffs quarter-zip, “Next season, we’re, uh, moving your segment to the end of the show. Look, Rece and Desmond are struggling with your, uh, ‘body noises.’ It’s becoming a… distraction.”

Bear didn’t look up. Feet on his desk, texting furiously, he finally grinned—a slow, wolfish smile. “Fine. Whatever. Fuck all of you. Screw it. Let the woke police have their way. Don’t worry; you won’t see me crying on TV like your boy Herbstreit.”

One witness described the scene vividly: “Fowler walks in, trying to be diplomatic, you know, all polite and professional. But Bear? He doesn’t even look up. Just keeps texting, like Fowler’s the intern bringing his coffee. Then he drops that line about Kirk crying on TV, and I swear, Fowler turned a shade of red I didn’t know was possible.”

Bear stood, slamming his feet to the floor with an ominous thud. Without breaking eye contact, he unleashed a fart so powerful it rattled a paperweight on the desk. “You’ll miss me when Kirk starts droning on about ‘backers.’ What the fuck is that? Just say linebackers. And ‘physicality’? Come on. Nobody talks like that.”

“Bear wasn’t just unbothered—he was thrilled to burn it all down. The man weaponized his farts. Literal, military-grade gas warfare. I think Fowler’s soul left his body for a second.”

Bear grabbed his coat and skipped—yes, skipped—out of the office, middle fingers raised high. Fowler, now visibly recoiling, muttered, “Un-fucking-believable,” before clearing his throat and pulling at his quarter-zip. “Well, that’s… one way to quit.”

Fox wasted no time. They snapped up Bear with promises of freedom—no filters, no scripts, no rules. Fallica went to work with Klatt and Urban Meyer, finding a home where no one cared if you bet on a UTEP game at 2 a.m.

Bear’s defection set the stage for the escalating Klatt-Herbstreit rivalry—a battle to decide who would be America’s Quarterback, Partner.

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In the next excerpt: Here is the question: Who is America’s Quarterback, Partner? Few names command the attention of fans, coaches, and the media like Kirk Herbstreit. With his signature gentrified style and unrivaled influence, he shaped the sport in ways most could only dream of. But for Joel Klatt, was it admiration—or was it envy. The battle is on, where fashion, kicks, opinions, and personality collide, Klatt is determined to show that he’s not just an ice queen with a pretty face and fantastic hair. He means business and he is coming for Herbstreit’s “crown”.

Read the review of “Bama Profiles in Courage: Laykin”: (Capers) Barr flexes through an emotional range that most writers would never dare attempt … Humor and Bama sorrow are fused together like twined tree trunks that keep each other standing…..It’s part satire, part character study, with a wry lens on fame, fandom, and the modern South. Well done, Capers, well done”. Looking so forward to the new novel. – Ian Allen, The Times Literary Supplemen