By Friday morning, a satisfying post-coital haze had settled over the Tennessee message boards. 5-star RB and Vol commit David Gabriel Georges had punished another defense and the board lay sprawled across the internet in a warm, satisfied glow—imaginary cigarette smoke curling toward the ceiling, one arm behind its head, replaying the best parts and occasionally murmuring, Good Lord, look at those hips.

Highlight videos of Tennessee commitment David Gabriel Georges (DGG)—the five-star Baylor School running back Ohio State wanted badly—reached the Tennessee message board Thursday evening. The thread was a healthy 10 pager.

The footage came from Thursday night’s game in Chattanooga, where Baylor faced Brentwood Academy on a field loaded with Tennessee commitments and other major Division I prospects.

Peyton’s boy was deemed an early commit to the Vols based on his Vols Adidas wristbands and jersey number, duh. (see below)

A couple of respected board members had attended, giving the thread something it rarely possessed:

Eyewitnesses and pictures.

One user returned with DGG’s wristbands and gloves collected after the game.

This inspired tremendous envy among men old enough to have children playing in it.

ChattanoogaVol, a pharmaceutical salesman who watched from behind Baylor’s sideline, posted photographs of himself gripping and grabbing the gloves and wristbands. He thrust them toward the camera with both hands and an expression normally reserved for a Bassmaster weigh-in or a country-club member pointing at the hole where his seven-iron allegedly made history.

In one photograph, he gestured proudly toward the wristband while grinning beside it, as if he had not merely collected a teenager’s discarded football gear but personally landed a 14-pound largemouth bass using nothing but orange PowerBait and faith.

The board reacted as though he had acquired fragments of the True Cross.

Three posters offered to buy them.

Read more: Tennessee Message Board Studies David Gabriel Georges’ Hips (Video) While Ohio State Lurks/Seethes

ThirdAndMoonshine, a septic-system estimator from Sevierville, asked whether the gloves still smelled like the field.

Nobody asked him to clarify.

The men who stayed home were now studying Gabriel Georges’ hips on video while resenting the men who had stood close enough to obtain personal effects.

Within minutes, a collection of completely heterosexual middle-aged men with wives, mortgages, enlarged prostates and responsibilities at First Baptist had begun conducting a detailed public examination of DGG’s body.

ThirdAndMoonshine opened the evaluation:

“That kid is built right. Thick through the hips and thighs but still loose.”

Nobody acknowledged the sentence.

They simply agreed with it.

RockyTopBill, a commercial electrician from Powell, studied the video again:

“Watch how he gets skinny through the hole and then explodes.”

The board had crossed into dangerous territory, but recruiting terminology provided diplomatic immunity. As long as body parts didn’t touch, it was cool.

A man could spend fifteen minutes watching another man’s lower body in slow motion as long as he occasionally mentioned pad level.

VFLinDalton, who sells commercial flooring and has never coached anything beyond a church softball team, offered his assessment:

“Great feet. Powerful base. Runs through contact. You can tell he enjoys punishing people.”

Gabriel Georges had now been described as thick, loose, explosive, skinny through the hole and eager to punish men.

It was 10:17 in the evening.

Then somebody reminded everyone that Ohio State fans were lurking.

This changed the conversation from group anatomy seminar to regional warfare.

I-75Exit81, a freight dispatcher from Lenoir City, addressed the invisible Buckeyes directly:

“I know you Ohio State boys are reading this. Don’t act like you didn’t want him. Your whole staff would crawl to Chattanooga through broken glass for this kid.”

No Ohio State fan had posted.

Their silence was interpreted as fear.

CheckerboardCharlie, an automotive finance manager from Athens, added:

“They are absolutely sick right now. You can smell it all the way from Columbus. Vols, Bitch.”

Nobody could smell Columbus from Athens.

But the board could smell recruiting anxiety through a computer screen.

Then PorchVol, owner of a small-engine repair shop in Rogersville, distilled Tennessee’s recruiting victory over Ohio State reiterated it again into two words:

“Vols, bitch.”

This was not an argument.

It was a diplomatic cable written on the back of a Marlboro Red carton.

The post received twenty-three likes, six laughing faces and one response asking whether the comma was necessary.

PorchVol said it was.

As the morning continued, posters enhanced still photographs, compared calf development and debated whether Gabriel Georges possessed enough “natural bend.”

Several users began sentences with I’m no expert before offering conclusions that would have required access to his orthopedic records.

OrangeBritches, a retired TVA line foreman from Harriman, announced:

“Look at the rear end on him. That’s where the power comes from.”

The board briefly fell silent.

OrangeBritches returned four minutes later.

“Football-wise.”

The clarification made it worse.

Fortunately, the old bull arrived.

OldBullsGapVol had been monitoring the discussion without comment. He had watched the video twelve times, entered several figures into Microsoft Excel and compared Gabriel Georges with Tennessee running backs signed during three presidential administrations.

When the board had exhausted its supply of thighs, calves and buttocks, he spoke:

“His feet are unusually quiet for a back carrying that much lower-body mass. Hip fluidity is better than some are giving him credit for. I would not become overly concerned with the listed weight.”

The thread stopped breathing.

Nobody knew who had criticized DGG’s hip fluidity.

Nobody knew how quiet and quick feet were measured.

Nobody knew why the listed weight should concern them.

But the old bull had said it, and somewhere in East Tennessee another cell turned green.

MaryvilleVol72 asked whether Gabriel Georges reminded him of anyone.

Old Bull replied:

“There are some historical comparisons I’m not comfortable making publicly.”

This elevated Tennessee’s five-star commitment from exceptional prospect to classified weapon.

Within ten minutes, posters decided the unnamed comparison was either Jamal Lewis, Chuck Webb, Travis Henry or a larger version of Alvin Kamara.

One suggested Earl Campbell.

Earl Campbell did not attend Tennessee, but his thighs were considered relevant.

The Ohio State lurkers were addressed again.

SmokeyMtnMan, who manages rental cabins in Townsend, warned them:

“Go ahead and screenshot this, Buckeyes. When DGG is running through your defense in the playoffs, remember we told you.”

Tennessee and Ohio State had not qualified for the same playoff.

The season had not started.

These were dismissed as technicalities.

I75Vol, checking the board from a flooring warehouse in Calhoun, Georgia, delivered the final scouting report:

“They wanted him bad. We got him. Difference is he always looked like a Tennessee back. You can see it in the way he carries himself.”

Gabriel Georges was carrying himself exactly like a five-star running back being recorded during a football game.

But Tennessee fans detected something deeper:

Regional destiny expressed through pelvic rotation.

By breakfast, the board had evaluated DGG’s feet, hips, thighs, backside, bend, thickness, looseness, explosiveness and ability to become skinny inside confined spaces.

It had taunted people who never posted, relitigated a recruiting battle Tennessee had already won and compared its prized commitment to four Volunteer legends and one Houston Oiler.

The two men who attended the game possessed gloves and wristbands.

The other men possessed screenshots of the gloves and wristbands.

Jealousy hardened into scouting analysis.

David Gabriel Georges had said nothing during any of this.

Ohio State remained silent.

OldBullsGapVol opened the workbook and clicked the tab labeled FEET/HIPS.

Tennessee recruiting had entered its most sacred phase:

Forty straight men arguing over who appreciated David Gabriel Georges’ lower body first.