By Tuesday evening, The REDACTED Message Board had solved the LSU, Lane and Sankey problems.

It took three threads. LSU was gone, and the board was sorting through replacements based on television markets, recruiting territory and the number of Cracker Barrels between campuses.

Furman week had also arrived, but Furman was giving them nothing.

The Paladins are not adding former NFL players. Nobody is tracking their athletic director’s airplane. The mascot reminds me of a regional insurance company.

So when somebody posted that Days of Thunder 2 may be coming—with Anne Hathaway as the team owner—the board finally had something it could get worked up about.

The first guy, BradC, hoped it would be better than the original.

TracksideVol took that pole position personally.

It sucked by any standard. Most of the drivers were pissed. Somebody should have Earnhardted those cars into a corner or two.

TracksideVol

The man had been mad about Days of Thunder since 1990 and had kept the receipts.

He remembered cussing through most of it in the theater. The acting was bad. The screenplay was sucked. The racing was ridiculous. Stock cars banged around Daytona like shopping carts loose in a Food City parking lot.

Somebody reminded him that it was a movie, not a documentary.

Wrong thing to say to him.

TracksideVol explained that real NASCAR drivers had been furious because unqualified actors were allowed onto the track during live races.

That lasted until BristolVol came over the wall with Greg Sacks, Bobby Hamilton and enough production history to qualify for a DVD commentary track. NASCAR regulars drove the race footage. The actors’ scenes were staged separately. Hamilton’s driving in the movie helped him land a full-time Winston Cup ride.

One poster summed up the change in track position.

When the board racing know-it-all gets roasted.

PitRoadProphet

TracksideVol did not disappear from the thread though. He simply moved on to all the other reasons the movie sucked.

Fine, the drivers were qualified. The screenplay was still bad. Robert Duvall was the only person worth watching. Everybody else was apparently too distracted by cars going fast to notice.

ThirdAndChavis had seen enough and stepped into the mix.

You criticize every sports and cop movie like this. Die Hard 2 would just be them doing paperwork for two hours.

ThirdAndChavis

Cromptons3rdRead suggested anything by Taylor Sheridan. Somebody pointed out that Sheridan sucked and had ruined Sicario with the girl milquetoast FBI agent.

The thread paused. You could almost hear the oxygen leave the room. The Board adored Sheridan and Yellowstone.

Cromptons3rdRead doubled down.

“Sheridan can’t write worth a shit. It’s like he’s never talked to a woman—which puts him in good company with most of you people in this thread. And the Duttons? Absolute shit show.”

Still, no one had mentioned Furman.

TracksideVol then recommended Assassination Tango because Duvall wrote it, directed it, produced it and starred in it. Another poster offered Convicts. Then came A Family Thing and Jayne Mansfield’s Car.

A Tennessee football thread had turned into the Robert Duvall Film Festival before lunch.

TracksideVol said maybe his standards were simply too high. He also would have given The Wizard of Oz Best Picture over Gone with the Wind.

Again: Days of Thunder 2.

OldBullsGapVol tried to bring Tom Cruise back into it.

Please don’t tell me all the real hot-shot pilots hated Top Gun: Maverick because it wasn’t technically accurate.

OldBullsGapVol

That’s called a straw man. Don’t push your insecurities off on me.

TracksideVol

We had gone from Cole Trickle to somebody else’s insecurities by way of The Wizard of Oz.

By Page 2, the NASCAR men had taken over. They knew Hendrick supplied and maintained more than sixty cars. They knew Bobby Hamilton had been paid out of Hendrick’s pocket. They knew Hendrick was still mostly interested in promoting his dealerships before Jeff Gordon showed up and changed everything.

Hell, one poster claimed Hendrick shopped at the same Ace Hardware where he worked.

They also knew how to make the sequel.

Use F1 as the model. Get serious about strategy. Talk tire management. Bring in people who understand racing. Spend the money. Do it right.

The movie may not have a screenplay yet, but The REDACTED already had notes.

SulliVol finally asked whether anybody really needed another Days of Thunder.

Gallavol answered for everybody.

I need it.

Gallavol

That was Page 2.

Furman should be relieved.

The board never got around to watching its film.