Alabama has been placed on upset alert.
Not by Vegas. Not by a computer model. It was the goobers from Kentucky Sports Radio.
Cousin Shane carried the evidence across state lines before somebody in Lexington could delete it.
Then came the source document.
Five of the six KSR fanboys picked Kentucky. Not to cover. To win.
Matt had Kentucky 34–31. Ryan 24–21. Drew 27–24. Billy 31–27. Mario Maitland apparently decided everyone else lacked conviction and went Kentucky 42, Alabama 21.
That is not a prediction. It reads like a hostage note from a skiff off Somalia. All it needs is proof of life and wiring instructions.
Kentucky by three touchdowns over Alabama.
Fantastic.
The board reacted exactly as expected. Cromptons3rdRead called KSR full of shit. BillDanceVol was already looking forward to the annual KSR meltdown after Tennessee inevitably beats Kentucky. SimonDisciple admitted this might be one of the few occasions he could tolerate Alabama winning.
Then Kwyjibo, Vols’ resident Anglophile and apparently intellectually bored engineer, observed that Kentucky media views everything through blue-tinted glasses.
Or, given Kwyjibo, blue-tinted colour. He cannot discuss SEC football without making it sound like the BBC is about to throw it back to the studio in London.
And this is where pot meets kettle.
Why? Because Tennessee internet has never overreacted to anything. Never diagnosed an offensive-line catastrophe after winning by 47. Never fired an assistant coach before the postgame show ended. Never treated a teenager’s social-media activity like a coded communiqué from Moscow.
And we certainly have never entertained the possibility that UTAD monitors the message board and adjusts playcalling until the men posting from recliners feel properly represented.
No, sir.
We are the scientists.
Tennessee message-board insanity is supposed to be insane. It is organic. Artisanal. Small-batch lunacy produced by men with odd usernames and access to IG Reels and Hudl.
KSR industrialized it.
They have microphones, studios, sponsors and possibly dental insurance.
And five of them still arrived at Kentucky beating Alabama, with Mario wandering all the way out to 42–21 before anybody could grab his car keys.
Then Kentucky coach Will Stein decided the crowd needed instructions.
Stein told Kentucky fans to arrive early, sneak in flasks and scream obscenities at Alabama.
He did not tell them to scream racial slurs. Apparently in Kentucky, that’s the assumed course of action.
Important distinction.
He also did not explain where the obscenities should stop, which seems like useful guidance when you have just encouraged 65,000 drunk SEC fans to begin freelancing with the English language.
There is profanity. Then there is the vocabulary somebody’s weird uncle keeps behind glass and only breaks out after the third bourbon.
Maybe establish that boundary before kickoff.
The online reaction was mostly: Wait. Kentucky wasn’t already doing this?
So this is less a new crowd strategy than a written SOP.
Look, Kentucky can win. College football is drunk even when the crowd isn’t.
But five media guys taking a double-digit underdog outright deserves preservation. Mario hanging 42 on Alabama deserves placement under glass.
Laugh at KSR.
I am.
Just understand what we are looking at.
This is not some strange foreign species.
This is us. Only they have microphones.
Pot, meet kettle.
Kettle, meet payroll.
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