Then one night in desperation
Juwan Simpson breaks away
He buys a gun, steals a car,
Tries to run, but he dont get ice cream
And D.J. Hall cries

Ha! You should hear his rap CD. Juwan dubbed samples of his Beretta’s slide racking whilst he makes threats to anyone who would dare dis him. I bet Ese Dreamer (DJ Hall his rap partner on the CD) is making those bad-azz throat slashes.

Tuscaloosa Ghetto, Elvis Presley

Alabama Football Officials acknowledged that an airplane (pictured below) whose frequent, unexplained flights over Miami had raised fears among some residents (most specifically the Nick Saban Family) is being used by the Bammers to monitor people who might be interested in becoming the Alabama head coach . The flight following was established by a spotter working out of a Tuscaloosa Crack house located in one of the shanty towns near the airport.

Dolphin Fans believe that the lunatic fringe of Bama fans (or maybe they are the majority) may try to kidnap Saban and bring him to Tuscaloosa. They believe in their hearts that if he just comes to town he’ll love it so much he’ll stay.

Interestingly enough Mal Moore allowed  Nick Saban to “test-drive” the offense during the  Weedeater / Briggs-Stratton/ Poulan/ Tecumseh/ Astroglide/ Craftsman/ Snapon/Makita Bowl.  Saban actually called Bama’s offensive plays while watching the game from his home in Miami.  He maintained constant communications with Offensive Coordinator Dave Rader during the game using a Verizon Blackjack Telephone.  Saban is said to be disappointed with Quarterback John Parker Wilson’s hairstyle stating that “Wilson’s  bangs (pictured to the right ) limited his vision and scan on 5 step drops.  He (Wilson) will either get those bangs trimmed up or start using hair gel.”  Is it possible that Saban can actually coach Bama without having to ever step foot on campus?

At a recent press conference on ESPN and based on the way he denied to a reporter that he’s not going to Bama, body language and all, a gut feeling tells me that Saban is lying and thinking he probably will become Bama’s next head coach in January. I don’t think for a minute that UA’s board has given up on hiring Saban. It’s probably taking them this long to get the money that Saban is demanding to go to Tuscaloosa When it’s all said and done if Bama puts enough money in the contract, Saban will jump. Money talks. My guess is somewhere around $3mm annually for 6 years with a large annuity ($3mm to $5mm) for coaching 10 years. As for the private jet travel…such sensitive meetings would be conducted in city other than Fayetteville (with Nutt) or Columbia (Spurrier). I suspect that Frank Broyles knows exactly where Nutt is every day and night.

As a student of Mal Moore’s systematic and methodical textbook approach to the coach search, here are some observations of where Bama is today:

1. The dates to really watch for breaking news is Dec. 30 thru Jan 3rd.

– Dec. 30 is the Bowl game for Paul Johnson/Navy. He is a viable candidate and could announce after his game.

– Dec. 31 is last game for Nick Saban/Dolphins. However, word has it that his announcement could come as late as January 3rd.

– Jan. 2 is bowl game for Jim Grobe/Wake Forest. It’s possible he could announce on the 3rd.

(Prospective coaches depicted running from the Bama Job)

Remember this. Bama has had about 3 weeks to prenegotiate any deals/contracts. Once these seasons end, all that is left is for the coach to announce. It is highly doubtful there will be a time for contract negotiations after the seasons are over. Also, nothing posted above is solid and promises any of these candidates will be the coach Bama gets. However, these are the coaches prominently mentioned over the last several days.  So in other words, Bama is not any closer to naming a coach since the day Mike Shula and his gold chain were both fired.

Sit back and hold your houndstooth hat because things are about to get interesting.