Sure, Joakim Noah is going pro. Do you know how much lipstick and pantyhose lottery money will buy?

Sure Noah’s junior mates are NBA-bound, too. After Noah’s bizarre “We’re going to do this up right. Y’all don’t even KNOW what I’m talkin’ bout” postgame speech to Jim Nantz and the nation, do you think any of them would pass a piss test today?

Sure, Chris Lofton is staying at UT. Have you seen J.J. Redick this year? Me neither.

Sure, Billy Donovan is hanging around at Florida. You think a forehead like that can get tanned in sunny Lexington? Plus, he doesn’t want a Tubby nickname like “Dozen Loss Donovan,” does he?

Sure, Kentucky would hire Rick Barnes tomorrow. Has Mitch Barnhart made a logical decision yet?

Sure, Gottfried isn’t in any trouble in Tuscaloosa. It’s football season, yo!

Sure, there could be truth to the rumors that the Arkansas Razorbacks basketball players have failed multiple drug tests. How much discipline can a helter-skelter team like that have OFF the court?Sure, Bruce Pearl isn’t looking to leave Big Orange Country. With Fulmer there, UT is much closer to being a basketball school than one that actually plays football.

Sure, Kevin Stallings would jet out of Vanderbilt for another gig. Can you imagine that team without Byars and Foster?

Sure, Pat Summitt is a legitimate family woman and an institution in the women’s game, but in the post-Pokey world, how uncomfortable is even a plutonic kiss by a player after a national championship?

Speaking of Pokey, how many testosterone shots do y’all think she was overseeing for Sylvia Fowles? At least we know Pokey wasn’t attracted to her center.