Beano Cook: Good afternoon and welcome to the latest off-season college football chat. I have been looking at the schedules and many schools have disgraceful non-conference schedules. Florida State plays Alabama, Florida, Colorado and Marshall…not too bad there. The reason Joe Paterno will catch Bobby Bowden and pass him either this year or next is because Penn State’s non-league schedule is an absolute disgrace. May I say to these college coaches that refuse to play good non-league schedules, don’t go to the pros. You don’t have any say in the opponent, time or date of game. One thing about Bowden, he isn’t afraid to play anybody and if the Indy Colts want to play him some Sunday, Bowden will show up.

Chris (AZ): Beano, What early season match-ups are you looking forward to? Cal v Tenn. and VaTech v LSU look like pretty good games.

 Beano Cook: I am looking forward to Va. Tech-LSU. What about Notre Dame vs. Penn State. USC-Nebraska figures to be interesting. September 15th is an unbelievable day…ND-Michigan and USC-Nebraska…wow.  If Notre Dame wins a bowl game, I’m going topless

Wow is right you fat fucking Lepracuan fluffer, it beyond the realm of comprehension that Beano Cook would actually mention Notre Dame…twice. Notre Dame is predicted to lose their first 5 games…

Winn Salt lake city Utah: Beano, What do you think about Georgia this year and there quarterback Matthew Stafford.

 Beano Cook: Their quarterback is going to be good. Problem is, playing in the toughest conference SEC makes it tough. There will be pressure on Stafford. I also feel there will be some pressure on Mark Richt. Tough schedule and opener vs Oklahoma State is not a cakewalk, then Spurrier in second game, plus trip to Alabama before September ends. Don’t forget trip to Tennessee too… Stafford is  a smart kid and yes he is a fattie like me so I like him a lot.  I think he is smarter than some kids from, like from Florida.  Stafford likes his pastries and drinks his beer out of red plastic cups.

Allen HOU, TX: i cant wait for OU vs MIAMI in norman, i think that can be a good one

 Beano Cook: That is another interesting one to former outlaw programs. Miami plays A&M and Oklahoma non-league, which is pretty tough on a first-year head coach. Plus Miami goes to Florida State but that is not the season opener any more, now playing in October. I think Bob Stoops has a solid team that will be right up there. Coach Stoops is happy that Boise State is not on the schedule.  Some people are saying that Florida is the new miami.  I disagree.  I think Florida is more like the 80’s Sooners.

John Waldwick, NJ: Beano: Slaton, White, and possibly Devine. Has there ever been a more impressive/fast backfield for rushing the football?

 Beano Cook: Playing in the Big East also helps because, despite what happened last year, this is a weak overall conference. I am not saying West Virginia isn’t a good team…Rich Rodriguez has done a super job and his team should be top 10 again this season because the Big East is weak, just in case you didn’t hear me the first time.  ESPN is giving the Big East the equivilent of a sympathy sex because of the networks contract with the Conference.

Scott-Squan: Beano-Is it unrealistic to think the Irish can go 10-2 this year? I think the defense under Corwin Brown makes the turn the offense did in Charlie Weis’ first year.

 Beano Cook: Thanks for giving me a chubby Scott but….No. It is not unrealistic because Notre Dame has material, In 1961, Notre Dame was 5-5 but had 11 players drafted in the pros. Duke beat them badly that year. The irish gets material. However, because of the road schedule, I think it will be difficult for Weis and company to win 10 games. For the USC game, the Irish will wear Kelly Green as this is the 30th anniversary of the green jersies as if anyone but me and the Clausen family actually give a shit about Notre Dame. 

Chris (AZ): Begrudgingly we all admit that there is a TON of talent in the SEC. Plus, I think they expanded to 48 teams this year. That said, what conference do you see as the next best? (if you say Big East…..you’re crazy.)

 Beano Cook: No, I would not say Big East, in fact Chris I think that you are a little queer for mentioned the SEC and Big East in the same sentence. I would say the second toughest is probably the Pac-10. I know the Big Ten and Big 12 will argue. ACC moves up too. I would go with Big Ten third.   I am engaging one of those internet web cookies that block dumb-ass questions like this.

Mark Wycoff, NJ: West Virginia and Louisville. Where would they be in the standings in the SEC? Let’s see if you continue the Big East Bashing!

 Beano Cook: Mark, you are fucking homo.  The internet web cookie is not working is it?  The Big East SUCKS, is that good enough?  They would have a very tough time in the SEC. Nobody in the SEC uses 245 Defensive Lineman like is common in the  Big East. Enough said. The SEC has six teams who have the potential of winning a national championship in the next decade. You can’t say that about any other conference. Several teams in the NFC would have trouble winning the SEC. 

rob (philly): “Several teams in the NFC would have trouble winning the SEC.” That’s the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. And you’ve said alot of ridiculous things. If you really believe that, you need to get a grip on reality.

 Beano Cook: I like to exagerate sometimes…naturally I was serious, so shut the fuck up and never, ever question me again….Bitch. 

Otis(New York,NY): Beano,What do you expect from Rutgers this year?Was last season a fluke,or can RU prove us wrong.

 Beano Cook: I think we will find out that the Big East is still a big ole fat pussy. There will be a target on them now and everyone will be waiting for them. The expectations are different and they do have Ray Rice back carrying the ball. If he played in the SEC he would be a  Heisman contender. 

Bob (Bham): What did you think of Alabama’s spring game having 92,000 fans?

 Beano Cook: I think it is more phenomenal than Neil Armstrong going to the moon. Football in the southeast is different than anywhere else. I also think that besides having the best hair in college football, Saban could have worn a different suit. That was  the same suit he wore to his first press conference…cheap little fucker. He bites his nails, did you know that Bob?  I bet you  start biting your nails too.  bammers  are so predictable. Nick, if you’re  reading this, send me the number for that lil blondie that met you at the airport….

 Beano Cook: Thanks for all of your questions…I will see you again in July.