With the advent of ESPN’s College Football Live, I decided to wargame the talking heads.  I must make one disclaimer, even though Mark May is #1 on this list, he will never ever be able to replace Chris Fowler as the biggest business end of doucebaggery. Read more about Fowler here [Metrosexual].

1. Mark May: This guy is just begging for a punch in the face. Aching for it. His only saving grace was furthering the national perception of  trailer parks in Tuscaloosa during the Saban hiring process [T-Town Ghetto]. Once I heard him  rambling for 5 minutes on XM espn radio and I had no idea what the hell was happening. I thought that some sort of anarchist pirate radio station or the Books and Drama channel had taken over the channel/frequency. Turns out it was just May’s college football analysis. WTF??

2. Lee Corso: He was a terrible coach, analyst, and prognosticator, how better yet why was this guy hired? Watching him is like getting a barium enema. He yells, rants, and behaves like a child. You don’t want to have a beer with Corso, he would just stick you with the tab. I had a 9 year old kid question the legitimacy of Corso’s analysis with the question of “why is he picking games? he doesn’t have a winning record as a coach”. In fact the kid, who doesn’t have a mean bone in his body (yet) refuses to call him Corso. Instead he refers to him as “Crisco”. Bonus….Earned huge style points for ignoring the Big East on the inaugural College Football Live show [Who’s Now WVU?]
3. Lou Holtz: He possesses a face that was obviously meant to grace radio. Complete with flying spittle and he really needs to wear a bib. I have no idea why he has a job, especially a job where is allowed to play “pick em” with Football games. He takes being a homer to the next level because he never picks against  his former teams:South Carolina or Notre Dame….evidence that stupidity is not only expected but rewarded at ESPN. In short, his voice could crack asphalt or bend steel…

4. Doug Flutie: He seems to genuinely hate the SEC, he needs to wake up be hating the Big East for expelling his alma mater (BC) to the ACC. He is yet another idiot athlete turned commentator that thinks he’s far more important than he actually is. I would rather have a three-way with Stuart Scott, Stuart Scott’s lazy eye, and Lou Holtz (or is that a 4 way?) than listen to the sound of Flutie’s voice or see his perfectly parted feathered angel wings bangs.

5. Kirk Herbstreit: Openly wept over the exclusion of Michigan from the BCS national championship game was then placed on suicide watch after his Buckeyes were waked and baked by Florida. Then in a schoolgirl rage he dropped a deuce on Auburn [link]. He seems like a nice guy who realizes that he has a low watt brain, but for some reason remains a dimwit anyway. Gosh, with the inclusion of Kirk, we almost have a ESPN Gameday trifecta. Chris Fowler, where are you?