Tebowsexuality is the highest tier of a Gator’s love for Tim Tebow….. love that is without penetration. It will almost always include homo-erotic fantasies and
masturbating to Tebow pictures or movies. During in-between masturbatory sessions, the Tebowsexual will fluff or bowel blast a dead (or live) snake. Snakeplay is done while listening to Nickelback’s easy-to-play power chords that give the band a “tuff” sound to the untrained ear, but a closer look reveals a band that has nothing to offer creatively.
The Tebowsexual may or may not like women, and spends and inordinate amount of time wanting to act like one especially when viewing the Tebow image. The Tebowsexual uses no hair care products except for White Rain shampoo, has several flannel shirts, owns several pairs of Pony High Tops and of course he will own jeans shorts.
The Tebowsexual is considered undesirable and unappealing by the general public. A Gator may be labeled a Tebowsexual as a result of many different factors. Rapid aging, an exaggerated Fupa or cameltoe, bad combover hair, a scabbed/desensitized frenulum, botched plastic surgery, or an inability to update his style with the current times are some other factors that lead someone to be branded a Tebowsexual. One of the most salient features of the Tebowsexual, is that they were ‘hot’ or at their peak of desirability in a given era. They are overly prone to rage and anger towards their friends that they almost knee viciously in the balls. Most come from Alachua County.
Gator 1: hey, check out the Tebowsexual with the high and tight haircut wearing the Gator Jersey, driving the Geo Prius.
Gator 2: i believe he is admiring the sway in my backside’
or
JaxBo has become a Tebowsexual after shaving off his stubble and using expensive skin products to soften his cherubic facial features.
It is a heightened and agitated state of arousal in which Gator men can identify themselves as gay men and as gay men they can identify themselves as Tebowsexuals (or any other combination you can think of).
Dense clusters of Tebowsexuals can be found at Gainesville Tailgates. Extreme examples have been known to experience regular menstrual cramps.
You might be “Tebowsexual” if:
1. You spend your tax return on things like big screen TV’s instead of clothes for your kids.
2. You and your wife of will live in a “council house” and have about 12 little Gators with two named Dakota and Sierra.
3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don’t do frosted tips.
4. You inexplicably smell of man-secks, old style Pilsner beer and excessive perspiration.
5. You have the standard issue generic moisture wicking performance muscle shirts, a Nascar shirt (may be substituted with an Stone Cold Steve Austin 3:16 shirt), and acid wash, camouflage or leather pants.
6. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and then moisturize your scrotum.
7. You feel the need to park in the fire lane at Wal Mart even though there are 1000 other parking spots available
8. You can’t imagine a day without hair styling products.
9. You are a lazy ass son of a bitch who expects things to come easy in life, is ignorant, and feels superior over others.
and finally…
10. You are a Tebowsexual that is identified as unbelievably macho, bullying, 300-pound, trailer-living, bingo-playing, Elvis-plate collecting, no-name cigarette smoking, Walmart-shopping, Trans Am-driving, horribly hygiened, Bible-thumping, woman-beating, English-butchering, meth-injecting, beer-guzzling, NASCAR-watching embarrassment to carbon molecules whose only purpose in their obnoxious, protohuman existence is human cockfighting.
Go Gators!!
Leave a Reply