So what makes SEC football the best football in the NCAA besides the level of athleticism, championships, and dominant performance over the other conferences? It’s the pageantry and tradition. Fans gathering to tailgate, Marching bands and cheerleaders, and the picturesque palaces of college football where thousands of fans gather to witness the battles every Saturday from September through Novemenber.
But you know what sucks about all of that? Every stadium I’ve been to, and every band and fan section I’ve ever run into carries with them a huge desire to will their team on to victory, and to annoy you and your own fans into insanity. So here is what you can expect to find most annoying in every stadium in the SEC.
Alabama – While Alabama has more great traditions in their little pinky than most schools around the country, they have more annoying traits than whole conferences combined. The Houndstooth hats are visually distracting, but the most annoying thing at an Alabama sports even is the piping in of Lynard Skynnard’s “Sweet Home Alabama”, or the butchering of the song by the overpriced Million Dollar Band.
Arkansas – While Houston Nutt was annoyed by FOI requests, most visitors to Reynold’s Razorback Stadium are annoyed by Hog fans attempts to find dinner with crys of “woo pig sooie” emanating from the stands, but the real annoying thing at football games comes on every first down where the announcer yells “That’s another Arkansas Razorback!” and the fans reply “First Down!” with a fanfare from the band every time. It gets old after 30 times a game win they move the chains.
Auburn – The last time I found myself in Auburn, AL, despite the fact I was annoyed at being in nowhere Alabama, I was mostly annoyed by the video screens playing Under Armour commercials every time the Tigers were on defense … CLICK CLACK! But the real annoying thing is the refusal for the Auburnites to choose between Eagles and Tigers.
Florida – Jorts, and Tebows goofy grin. Those things will pass, the annoyance that won’t pass is the gator chomp.
Georgia – Glory to Ol’ Georgia is the most redundant fight song on the face of the planet. Everytime I hear that high trumpet fanfare I cringe, because I know they’re about to bring it around again. Between that and the drunkest most obnoxious fans I am happy to leave the cesspool of the South every time I go.
Kentucky – OOOOOHH! C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS! No school has ever been more proud of spelling a four letter word in the history of college athletics. The Kentucky fan base isn’t really that bothersome at their own arenas, but every year in CAtlanta, the streets are covered in blue, until the cats lose, and then you’re annoyed by poor Kentucky fans trying to sell their ticket books to you for gas money to drive north.
LSU – Corndogs and the smell associated. I submit the following video.
Mississippi – Besides the racism and difficulty choosing a mascot, the Ole Miss fans have made a mockery of all college sports fans everywhere. Whoever thought Hotty Toddy was a good idea, should be shot. Hotty Toddy, Gosh almighty, Who the fuck are we? Hell no, I don’t know, Damn man, Ole Miss Thanks Mom!
Mississippi St. – When it comes to the bulldogs of Miss. St. it really comes down to their shitty teams. Who else in the SEC can be that consistently bad? The cowbells were once annoying, but at this point its like, why not just let them have the cowbells. I think they need the help.
South Carolina – Currently the most annoying thing in Columbia is the Spurrier Cock that still thinks he has what it takes to build a Championship program again. South Carolina fans still think penis jokes are funny “Nobody can lick our cocks!” Okay, Penis Jokes are still funny. Despite having the worst band in the SEC, the most annoying thing is the South Carolina Pregame show. Congratulations, you made your mascot “appear” on the field in a cage!
Tennessee – Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top! Fuck! How many times can they play that FUCKING SONG? It’s like a parade of aneurisms dancing in my brain at the end of a game against the Vols.
Vanderbilt – The commodores have outdone all other schools with their mascot. Even with the new face unveiled last year, it’s still fucking creepy, and not at all intimidating. Oh, and what the hell is up with that fog horn? Thank God they suck so bad you only hear it at the beginning of the game.
And that’s that, The most annoying traits of your SEC schools.
I’ll let you guys decide who wins, but I’m pretty sure it’s the orange bastards in Kuh-Noxville.
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