At 12:20 yesterday afternoon, somebody on a Tennessee message board asked:
Could LSU be removed from the SEC?
And off we go.
Within hours, LSU had been tried, convicted, fined $50 million, stripped of its voting rights and marked for removal from the Southeastern Conference.
This is how democracy works when nobody is wearing pants.
LSU’s offense is its apparent willingness to challenge the SEC’s prohibition on using former NFL players.
The SEC has threatened violators with enormous financial penalties, loss of voting privileges and a half-season suspension for the head coach.
The Tennessee internet found this insufficient.
SmokyEsquire: “College football would be better off without LSU.”
There it was.
Not probation.
Not sanctions.
Get the fuck out.
The board immediately established jurisdiction over Louisiana law, antitrust law, private associations, contractual remedies and the College Football Playoff.
The SEC, FDIC, the Post Office and FinCEN were all essentially involved by mid-afternoon.
One poster finally broke it down in language the board could understand: Coke can’t tell Pepsi who it’s allowed to hire, but Coke damn sure can tell its own bottlers what the rules are. Same deal here — the SEC isn’t banning the kid from football; it’s saying, “You want to play in our damn league, you follow our damn rules.”
Another simply offered:
“Remember SMU.”
That’s when you know jurisprudence has concluded.
Then LSU’s institutional character went on trial.
They hired Lane Kiffin.
They brought hoops coach Will Wade back.
As one newly appointed prosecutor summarized it:
OrangeDueProcess: “They do NOT care at all.”
Another declared Kiffin a “complete psychopath.”
Another announced that Kiffin had “never won a thing in his life” and was “not a championship coach.”
Another warned:
“This is not going to end well for them.”
And, naturally, an unnamed group of powerful people somewhere behind the scenes was supposedly watching all this unfold and saying:
“What the hell, dude?”
Probably the Federal Reserve and the IRGC.
At this point the discussion had moved well beyond player eligibility.
This was now about righteousness.
Integrity.
The sacred covenant of Southeastern Conference football.
And vengeance.
ThirdAndChavis: “Patient grasshoppers…what goes around comes around.”
Beautiful.
We are no longer waiting on Greg Sankey.
We are waiting on God.
Although Sankey could certainly help.
Because at some point the commissioner has to stop hiding underneath his desk while LSU runs around Baton Rouge like a Central American junta buying professional football players.
Show some backbone, Greg.
Enforce the rules.
Call FinCEN.
Freeze something.
OFFICIAL REDACTED Message Board POLL
What should happen to LSU?
- Massive fine
- Expulsion from the SEC
- Keep LSU, permanently expel Lane Kiffin
- Kick out LSU, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, South Carolina and A&M and bring back Georgia Tech and Sewanee
Option D was essentially proposed on the board.
That isn’t conference realignment.
That’s restoration of the Bourbon monarchy.
The Tennessee internet has spoken.
LSU has 48 hours to leave the conference.
Greg Sankey has 24 hours to locate his testicles.
ICE has the file.
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