UPDATE — Sunday, Aug. 30, 2026, 12:47 p.m. CT

LSU has apparently opened a branch office at the NFL waiver wire.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers waived edge rusher Jack Pyburn, and the latest report says that if nobody in the NFL claims or rosters him, Pyburn plans to make his way back to LSU.

REDACTED immediately reconvened.

This was important because the board had spent most of the previous day explaining that allowing former NFL players back into college football represented the collapse of amateur athletics, the surrender of Greg Sankey, the death of the Southeastern Conference and quite possibly the opening phase of Reconstruction II.

Now there was another one.

GBO1974: “Hard to compete against the NFL Tigers.”

The threat level went directly to DEFCON Baton Rouge.

Then somebody pointed out that Pyburn apparently wasn’t exactly Lawrence Taylor when he was playing college football.

The board’s scouting department went to work.

Average player.

Barely any sacks against SEC teams.

“Preseason sack leader” is a hilarious title.

Nothing to worry about.

For approximately four minutes, Jack Pyburn existed simultaneously as an NFL-caliber weapon destroying competitive balance and some dude Tampa Bay just fired.

Schrödinger’s defensive end.

If he signs with LSU, he is a professional mercenary.

If Tennessee has to hire him, he might be OK.

This is called objective analysis.

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REDACTED School of Law Reopens

Then REDACTED’s legal department arrived carrying folding tables.

One poster wanted to know how anybody had standing to sue in Baton Rouge when the player lived in Florida, the NCAA lived in Indiana and apparently nobody had first obtained written permission from the Tennessee message board.

Another began researching the SEC’s intra-conference transfer rule.

Had they entered the portal?

Were they required to enter the portal?

Can you enter the portal after an NFL camp?

Does the portal have a loading dock?

Can you back an NFL player into it with a forklift?

Within minutes, a football thread had become a multistate jurisdictional seminar taught by men whose principal legal experience consists of contesting speeding tickets in Blount County.

RockyTopBill, who reads compliance rules with the emotional intensity of a man defusing a fertilizer bomb, tried to explain that court orders generally outrank conference message-board sentiment.

This information was not well received.

REDACTED does not recognize the judicial branch when the judicial branch is fucking up football.

Marbury v. Madison remains under review.

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Locker-Room Chemistry, Briefly

Then somebody raised an actually legitimate question.

What happens inside the locker room when players who spent the entire offseason practicing, lifting, puking and earning starting jobs suddenly watch a former teammate come strolling back in from an NFL training camp?

That could have been an interesting discussion.

It lasted about six minutes.

Because by the next turn, the thread had wandered completely off the interstate and into a national culture-war argument that had absolutely nothing to do with Jack Pyburn.

Nobody requested this detour.

It simply appeared, like a live raccoon falling through the ceiling at Shoney’s.

This is how you know a Tennessee message-board thread has reached cruising altitude.

Eventually someone blamed the NCAA.

Someone blamed the courts.

Someone blamed Sankey.

Someone blamed the rule.

Someone suggested the entire situation had been deliberately designed to invite lawsuits.

The circle was nearly complete.

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Then Tennessee Remembered Tennessee

And then came the greatest post in the thread.

After nearly an hour of arguments about competitive integrity, professional players, locker-room chemistry, lawsuits, transfer rules, conference authority, Sankey’s testicular fortitude and the imminent destruction of college football, one Tennessee fan studied the situation carefully and delivered the board’s final constitutional interpretation:

“We could use him.”

There it is.

Case closed.

College football allowing NFL players to return is an outrageous, immoral, destabilizing assault on competitive fairness.

Unless Tennessee needs an edge rusher.

In that event, somebody get his fucking number.

TouchGrassGeneral would like everyone to remember there are more important things in life than recruiting professional football players back to college.

He posted this immediately before refreshing the thread again.

Principles are important.

Depth is importanter.

As of 12:47 p.m., REDACTED’s official position appears to be:

Jack Pyburn returning to college football is illegal, unfair, dangerous, ridiculous, probably unconstitutional and potentially devastating to the sport.

Also:

Can he play Saturday?

Greg Sankey remains fired.

LSU remains expelled from the conference.

Lane Kiffin has not been connected to this particular development in any way whatsoever.

This will not protect him.

And the Tennessee internet has now reached the inevitable final stage of every moral crusade:

We are strongly opposed to this bullshit until it benefits us.

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Previously in the Investigation

Seven-Page Message Board Meltdown: REDACTED Fires Greg Sankey, Expels LSU and Blames Lane Kiffin

Tennessee Internet Demands LSU Be Removed From SEC; FinCEN Standing By