Tennessee beat Furman 56–9.
REDACTED put the Vols corpse back on the table.
THE TENNESSEE “OH SHIT” TEMPERATURE GAUGE
🟩 Comfortable win
🟨 A few concerns
🟥 Georgia Tech may present problems
🟧 TENNESSEE ORANGE: TECH 56, VOLS 9
Final reading: 88% Tennessee Orange
The temperature dropped briefly when Tennessee went up 56–0.
Then Furman kicked a field goal.
HOW DID FURMAN SCORE?
The pissed as hell thread appeared before the ball ever cleared the uprights.
UTClassOf62 called it the softest three points surrendered by Tennessee since Johnny Majors wore a headset.
SmokeyMountainCoroner, making his REDACTED debut, wanted to know why the starters were not on the field protecting a 7 TD lead from further contamination.
Heupel3:16 had seen enough.
“Georgia Tech will score every time it touches the ball. I have us losing 56–9, and the nine assumes our bus arrives late.”
Tennessee’s defense had allowed three points.
The defensive line sucked.
The offensive line sucked.
The backups sucked.
The starters who were no longer playing sucked for abandoning the backups.
Sam Pendleton had not played, which caused several boarders who had just learned his identity that afternoon to demand a full explanation from Josh Heupel.
FourthAndMiserable blamed Glen Elarbee.
“Same offensive-line problems every year. Different players. One common denominator.”
He did not identify the denominator.
Everybody identified it for him.
The board then reviewed Elarbee’s entire Tennessee career through the accepted coaching metric of remembering every bad play and dismissing every good one as something the players did themselves.
Tennessee scored eight fucking touchdowns.
REDACTED saw several disturbing tendencies.
The play-calling was too vanilla. Faizon Brandon was not permitted to throw enough. When he did throw, somebody dropped it. Mike Matthews had returned to “his normal drops.” Two receivers were injured on consecutive plays. The punt-return unit lacked aggression. One reserve lineman stood upright. Another was seen turning his head during a snap.
OldBullsGapVol had some sage reservations.
“I know it’s Furman, but I didn’t see anything today that tells me we can beat Georgia Tech.”
Tennessee had accumulated 56 points.
That told him nothing.
Pong876 suggested that perhaps the coaches had stopped displaying the entire offense after the game became a public execution.
This post was dismissed as sunshine pumping.
The REDACTED does not want excuses after a 53-point victory.
It wants accountability.
The loudest accountability arrived during the fourth quarter, when Neyland Stadium played Dolly Parton’s “My Tennessee Mountain Home.”
NoQuarterVol called it embarrassing.
“We’re trying to build a killer football program and they’re playing Dolly Parton while the backups are getting pushed around.”
Pong876 asked whether Dolly had missed a block.
NoQuarterVol said that was not the point.
It was exactly the point, which made further discussion impossible.
George Cafego opposed the song for different reasons. He believed fourth-quarter music encouraged dancing, dancing encouraged happiness and happiness had been killing Tennessee football since the shotgun formation. And of course the Bible opposed dance too.
Meanwhile, another poster wanted to know where all the water stations had gone.
Kwyjibo complained about political advertisements.
One preferred the radio broadcast.
Piratelooksat40 asked how many seats had been empty.
One wanted Morgan Wallen brought back immediately, presumably to stabilize the defensive front.
Cromptons3rdRead entered the postgame discussion and announced:
“The real concern is Oregon.”
Tennessee plays Georgia Tech next week.
Nobody asked him to clarify.
By nightfall, the REDACTED had converted a 56–9 win into failing grades for both lines, a referendum on Elarbee, a receiver crisis, a stadium-music scandal and photographic evidence that Georgia Tech would soon harvest Tennessee’s organs.
The Vols won by IDK how many points cause I stopped counting.
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