UPDATE — SEPTEMBER 7, 2026
{real comments from a real Tennessee Message Board}
The original version of this post was written before the season started, when the Board had already decided Georgia Tech would beat Tennessee and Haynes King would personally supervise the burial.
Nothing has changed the board’s view. Tennessee is done.
One small problem.
GT QB Haynes King is gone.
Georgia Tech opened the season with Alberto Mendoza at quarterback and lost 14–13 to Colorado. Mendoza completed 17 of 23 passes for 237 yards in his first collegiate start. Tech rushed for 51 yards, and its only touchdown came on a 100-yard kickoff return.
In other words, the Yellow Jackets did not emerge from Week One looking like the mechanized armor death column from Russia foretold in August. They lost when former Vol head-case and Colorado’s problem-child Boo Carter blocked Tech’s final field-goal attempt.
Tennessee fans have largely moved on from Boo Carter, provided “moved on” now means monitoring his Colorado stat line in real time. There was anger when he left, sure. But underneath it was something sadder: Boo was supposed to be doing this in orange.
OrangeSince78 had mocked his quiet night before the block. ErnestPVolrell updated the accounting afterward: “add ‘hero’ to that stat line.” And for just a moment, underneath all the Deion hate and transfer bitterness, you could almost hear it: Goddammit. We could’ve used that guy.
By Sunday morning, the Board had finished missing him and gone back to hating Glen Elarbee.
Tennessee had beaten Furman by 47. This did not improve Elarbee’s standing.
Comments on the OL and his coaching were short and to the point:
“Well shit.”
“Gross”
“Fat kids”
“Watch the damn film.”
Which film was never established.
“Let the season play out.” Like we have a choice?
This was the closest thing available to sunshine pumping.
Georgia Tech week had arrived. So had the Vols Message Board panic.
Tennessee Loses to Georgia Tech Early
Tennessee plays Georgia Tech on September 12. -11 was the line. Jinxed by Vegas.
The REDACTED Board says we are cooked.
This game was decided ona Labor Day afternoon by Tennessee message-board users stationed beside above-ground pools, on the smallish greens at Redstone Arsenal’s Patriot Golf Course and inside the Lost Sea in Meigs County. None had film, injury reports, practice access or any indication Josh Heupel had bothered preparing for the opponent.
[Usernames changed, though they are finally beginning to resemble real people.]
VolSince82 identified the first problem:
“I guarantee we aren’t even preparing for Georgia Tech yet. This staff will wait until game week, throw something together and expect it to work. Not even Butch would do something this dumb.”
There was no evidence Tennessee had failed to prepare for Tech.
No nuggets. No intel. That was the evidence.
MurfreesboroVFL uncovered an even deeper failure:
“I bet they don’t even have hotel reservations in Atlanta. This staff is treating Georgia Tech like a dang high school road game, like they’re driving from Pikeville to Dunlap. They’ll meet at the facility Saturday morning, load everybody onto three yellow buses and stop at Buc-ee’s on the way to Atlanta. You know, stretch their legs and run plays in the parking lot.”
This introduced the possibility that Tennessee’s greatest weakness was not defensive preparation but not using Travelocity.com.
EastTNVol74 moved directly to the final score:
“We don’t stand a chance. Haynes King is a Heisman quarterback, and our defense couldn’t stop a determined blind squirrel from crossing Neyland Drive.”
At the time, King was the perfect message-board foil: real enough to fear, absent enough to become whatever the thread required.
By Tennessee message-board law King became Lamar Jackson, Michael Vick and General Robert Neyland sharing one set of shoulder pads.
Then Kwyjibo supplied a small roster note: Haynes King had exhausted his eligibility the previous season and was now with the Carolina Panthers.
VFLDad98 accepted the correction:
“Fine then. Mendoza will rush for 200 yards in the first half. Georgia Tech will possess the ball for 45 minutes, and our young quarterback will spend the entire game sitting on the sideline learning valuable lessons about helplessness.”
Then ChattanoogaVol examined Tennessee’s line play:
“Everybody keeps saying our defensive line looks good in practice. What if it only looks good because our offensive line sucks?”
A disturbing possibility.
KnoxCountyVFL countered with the inverse:
“What if the offensive line only looks good because the defensive line sucks?”
This left Tennessee with four possible outcomes:
- The offensive line sucks.
- The defensive line sucks.
- Both lines suck.
- Practice itself is lying.
All the men agreed there was no scenario on God’s green earth in which Tennessee possessed two competent units simultaneously.
VolFanInGA, who apparently lived behind enemy lines, supplied intelligence from occupied territory:
“Tech fans down here are already laughing at us. They know Mendoza is going to embarrass us. I may have to move.”
Nobody asked whether these Georgia Tech fans existed, whether he really lived in Georgia or whether he was really a Tennessee fan. Intelligence sources must be protected.
RockyTopRon attempted to calm the room:
“The game hasn’t been played yet.”
This was dismissed as sunshine pumping.
Circling back to the travel itinerary, MaryvilleVol72 posted:
“It’s embarrassing how far the program has fallen. Meanwhile, Alabama and Georgia fans will be passing the buses on I-75, honking, pointing, taking pictures and laughing. Tech fans will already be at Buc-ee’s watching us run the two-minute offense between the gas pumps. Fulmer would have stayed in Atlanta for a week.”
GBO1974 explained:
“That is exactly the problem. By the time we play it, it will be too late to fix anything.”
Three weeks later, the opponent has changed quarterbacks, lost its opener and produced 51 rushing yards against Colorado.
The Board has changed nothing.
It simply replaced one emergency with another.
The August prediction was that Tennessee had no plan, no defensive line and no chance. The quarterback changed. The forecast did not.
The September prediction is more sophisticated.
Now there are grades.
The game still has not been played.
The Board remains undefeated.
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